DEAR MR. PETHERTON,—­When up in town the other day I was surprised and delighted to notice in Messrs. Egbert Arnwell’s window two works of yours, one on Bi-Metallism and the other on the Differential and Integral Calculus.  Nothing but the prices (really low ones for such works) prevented my purchasing a copy of each book at once.

I cannot resist writing to congratulate you on the publication of these volumes, which will, I am sure, add to the instruction if not to the gaiety of nations.  Of course I knew—­and have had the most complete olfactory proofs—­that you were a chemist of at least strong views, but had no idea that your range of knowledge was so extensive as it apparently is.

  With renewed congratulations,
  Believe me, yours sincerely,
  HENRY J. FORDYCE.

By the way, what is a calculus?  Could one be obtained in Surbury, or would it be necessary to order from the Army and Navy Stores?

This brought forth:—­

SIR,—­I greatly regret that my latest publications should have caught your eye, and look on your congratulations as a studied insult.

I should hardly expect a person of your (as I imagine) limited intellect to know anything about the scientific subjects which interest me, but I feel sure that you are perfectly aware that the calculus is abstract and not concrete.

Had you tried to convey sincere congratulations to me I could have borne the infliction with resignation, but I strongly object to such flippant impertinences as are contained in your communication.

  Faithfully yours,
  FREDERICK PETHERTON.

I felt this was a good start, and so put out more bait:—­

DEAR PETHERTON (I wrote),—­Sorry you couldn’t accept my letter in the spirit, etc.

I’ve had such a priceless idea since I wrote to you last, and it is this.  I propose that we start a Literary Society in Surbury.  I’m certain the Vicar would join in.  Mr. Charteris, of the Manor, too would, I feel confident, welcome the idea.  Dr. Stevenson, the only one to whom I have broached the subject, got keen at once, and the Gore-Langleys and others could no doubt be counted on—­say a dozen altogether, including you and myself.  I append a short list of suggested contributions, which will give some idea of the range of subjects which might be tossed into the arena of debate:—­

The Binomial Theorem in its relation to the Body Politic (yourself).

Cows and their sufferings during the milk controversy in the newspapers (Charteris.  This might be published in small quarto).

The attitude of the Manichean Heresiarch towards the use of Logarithms (The Vicar).

The effect of excessive Philately on the cerebral organisms of the young (Gore-Langley).

The introduction of the art and practice of Napery among the Dyaks of Borneo (Miss Eva Gore-Langley).

With a few additions I think we should have enough mental food to keep us going through the summer; and I may add that if you were put up for President of the Society I should certainly second the motion.