CHARIVARIA.

Mr. Will Thorne declares that a hotel in Petrograd charged him twelve shillings for four small custards.  After all, the war spirit of Russia, it would seem, is not wholly dead.

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According to officials of the Food Ministry, “domestic pastry” may still be baked.  The idea is that this kind of pastry tends to decrease the total number of food consumers.

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Allied control officers have discovered fifteen hundred tons of potatoes hidden in Athens.  The Salonika expedition is now felt to be justified.

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A certain Kingston resident, when out walking, wears a white band on his hat, the with words, “Eat less bread.  Do it now.”  Eyewitnesses report that the immediate rush of pedestrians to the tea-rooms to eat less bread is most gratifying.

* * *

“The British loaf,” according to Mr. Kennedy Jones, “is going to beat the Germans.”  If grit can do it, we agree.

* * *

“Allotments under cultivation in Middlesex,” says a weekly paper breathlessly, “if place end to end, would reach five miles.”  Of course it is not thought likely that they will be.

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The father of a lad charged with embezzlement explained that since the boy was struck on the head with a cricket ball he could not keep a penny novel out of his hands.  Speculation is now rife as to the nature of the accidents responsible for the passion that some people entertain for our more expensive fiction.

* * *

“It is possible,” says a contemporary, “that an invention will one day be forthcoming which will make a clean sweep of the submarine.”  Meanwhile we must expect him to go on acting like the dirty sweep he is.

* * *

To meet the paper shortage, Austrian editors have determined to economise by reducing the daily reports of victories.

* * *

Le Matin states that at a Grand Council of War sharp disagreement on the conduct of operations arose between the Kaiser and Hindenburg.  The Marshal, we understand, insisted upon the right to organise his own defeats without any assistance from the All-highest-but-one.

* * *

A London dairyman has been heavily fined for selling water containing a large percentage of milk.

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“To tell the honest truth,” said the Hon. John Collier, giving evidence in the Romney case, “we artists do not think much of the art critics.”  It is this dare-devil attitude which distinguishes your real genius.

* * *

Some surprise was recently caused in Liverpool when the residents learned from the Cologne Gazette that their port had been destroyed and all the inhabitants removed to another town.  They consider that in common fairness the Cologne Gazette ought to have given them some idea as to where they were living.