And so this year it was with a feeling of having been cheated that I left the house for the office, where, in company with other old fogies and girl clerks, I do my unambitious bit towards downing the Hun.  The premonitory symptoms had seemed to me unusually acute, but the morning had brought no parcel.  My years weighed on my shoulders again, and I am afraid I was more than a little tart with my typist.

I was kept late for dinner, and when I entered the room I found Joan minor sitting in her place, her eyes bright with expectation.  Beside my place was a covered muffin dish.  There was no dallying with the pleasure this time, for I had suddenly become young again, and could not have waited had I tried.  I lifted the cover, and there, about the size of a well-nourished pea, lay the first-fruit of Joan minor’s peculiar and personal allotment, prepared, planted and dug by Joan minor’s own hands, a veritable and unmistakable potato.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Official of Lady War-workers’ Bureau.  “WHAT SORT OF WORK DO YOU FEEL FITTED FOR?”

Applicant.  “I DON’T QUITE KNOW, BUT I WANT TO WEAR THESE CLOTHES.”]

* * * * *

Our Official Pessimists.

From an Admiralty notice:—­

    “It is to be particularly noted that entries are only being made
    for 12 years’ service, and not for duration of war.”—­Evening
    Paper.

* * * * *

    “Summoned at Barry for having driven a horse whilst drunk, Antonio
    Millonas was stated to have narrowly missed a policeman and two
    children.”—­Western Mail.

We are all in favour of prohibition for horses.

* * * * *

=IN A GOOD CAUSE.=

The Newport Market Army Training School, Greencoat Place, Westminster, which has for over fifty years been training homeless and destitute boys to become soldiers of the KING, and has sent over two thousand into the Army, is in great need of funds.  Mr. Punch cordially supports the appeal of the President of the School, H.R.H. the Duke of CONNAUGHT, who “sincerely hopes the public will generously support an Institution that has for so many years quietly and unobtrusively furnished a Christian home and education to poor and outcast lads, and has supplied the Army with so many good and gallant soldiers.”

Donations and inquiries should be addressed to the Secretary, the Rev. H.A.  WILSON, 20, Great Peter Street, Westminster, S.W.1.

* * * * *

A Credit to the Commonwealth.

    “COCKATOO, Australian, splendid talker, does not
    swear.”—­Newcastle Evening Chronicle.

* * * * *

=THE HAT AND THE VISIT.=

“Francesca,” I said, “does my hat really look all right?”