if I’m not to call them either ‘dear’ or ‘gentlemen.’ Mr. Horace Bristowe presents his comp—­Good Heavens! he does nothing of the kind—­Mr. Horace Bristowe begs to—­Begs!  Of course I don’t beg.  This really is becoming idiotic.  Can’t one write a letter like an honest man, instead of all this flunkey business?  Begin again:  To Messrs. Tarry & Nott.  Mr. Horace Bristowe considers that he has been treated with a lack of consideration—­no, we can’t have ‘considers’ and ‘consideration’ so near together.  What’s another word for ’consideration’?—­treated with a lack of—­a lack of—­Well, we’ll keep ‘consideration’ and alter ‘considers.’  Begin again:  Mr. Horace Bristowe thinks—­no, that’s not strong enough—­believes—­no.  Ah, I’ve got it—­Mr. Horace Bristowe holds that he has been treated by you with a lack of consideration which—­I wonder if ‘which’ is better than ’that’—­a lack of consideration that, considering his long—­no, we can’t have ‘considering’ just after ’consideration’—­that—­no, which—­which—­in view of his long record as—­What I want to say is that it’s an infernal shame that after all these years, in which I’ve put business in their way and paid them scores of pounds, they should treat me in this scurvy fashion, that’s what I mean.  The swine!  I tell you, Miss Tappit, it’s infamous.  I—­(and so on).

The No-Nonsense Efficient businessman, so clear-headed and capable that it is his continual surprise that he is not in the Cabinet without the preliminary of an election, handles his correspondence very differently.  He presses a button for Miss Pether.  She is really Miss Carmichael, but it is a rule in this model office that the typist takes a dynastic name, and Pether now goes with the typewriter, just as all office-boys are William.  Miss Pether arrives with her pad and pencil and glides swiftly and noiselessly to her seat and looks up with a face in which mingle eagerness, intelligence, loyalty and knowledge of her attainments.

“To Messrs. Promises & Brake, says the business man,—­Gentlemen comma the pipes at my house were not properly mended by your man yesterday comma and there is still a leakage comma which is causing both damage and inconvenience full stop Please let me have comma in reply to this comma an assurance that someone shall be sent round at once dash in a taxi comma if necessary full stop.  If such an assurance cannot be given comma I shall call in another firm and refuse to pay your account full stop.  Since the new trouble is due to your employee’s own negligence comma I look to you to give this job priority over all others full stop.  My messenger waits full stop.  I am comma yours faithfully comma. Let me have it at once and tell the boy to get a taxi.”

II.

None of the plumbers sent any men.

* * * * *