“And what?”

“If ever I hear that my wife is dead I will give up drink.  Otherwise, whether I live or die, I care not.”

Surendra, with moist eyes, mentally anathematising Hembati, took his leave.

CHAPTER IX.

SURJA MUKHI’S LETTER.

Dearest Srimati Kamal Mani Dasi, long may you live!

“I am ashamed to address you any longer with a blessing.  You have become a woman, and the mistress of a house.  Still I cannot think of you otherwise than as my younger sister.  I have brought you up to womanhood, I taught you your letters; but now when I see your writing I am ashamed to send this scrawl.  But of what use to be ashamed?  My day is over; were it not so how should I be in this condition?  What condition?—­it is a thing I cannot speak of to any one; should I do so there will be sorrow and shame; yet if I do not tell some one of my heart’s trouble I cannot endure it.  To whom can I speak?  You are my beloved sister; except you no one loves me.  Also it concerns your brother.  I can speak of it to no one but you.

“I have prepared my own funeral pyre.  If I had not cared for Kunda Nandini, and she had died, would that have been any loss to me?  God cares for so many others—­would He not have cared for her?  Why did I bring her home to my own destruction!  When you saw that unfortunate being she was a child, now she is seventeen or eighteen.  I admit she is beautiful; her beauty is fatal to me.  If I have any happiness on earth it is in my husband; if I care about anything in this world it is for my husband; if there is any wealth belonging to me it is my husband:  this husband Kunda Nandini is snatching from me.  If I have a desire on earth it is for my husband’s love:  of that love Kunda Nandini is cheating me.  Do not think evil of your brother; I am not reproaching him.  He is virtuous, not even his enemies can find a fault in him.  I can see daily that he tries to subdue his heart.  Wherever Kunda Nandini may happen to be, from that spot, if possible, he averts his eyes; unless there is absolute necessity he does not speak her name.  He is even harsh towards her; I have heard him scold her when she has committed no fault.  Then why am I writing all this trash?  Should a man ask this question it would be difficult to make him understand, but you being a woman will comprehend.  If Kunda Nandini is in his eyes but as other women, why is he so careful not to look towards her? why take such pains to avoid speaking her name?  He is conscious of guilt towards Kunda Nandini, therefore he scolds her without cause; that anger is not with her, but with himself; that scolding is not for her, but for himself.  This I can understand.  I who have been so long devoted to him, who within and without see only him, if I but see his shadow I can tell his thoughts.  What can he hide from me?  Occasionally when his mind is absent his eyes wander hither and thither; do I