But Peter had bade wi’ her near forty year,
Fine acquaint wi’ her weel-soopled jaw,
Sae he lowsed his tap button for ease till his wame,
Wi’ a gant at the wag-at-the-wa’. 
“Weel Isie,” says he, “an’ it’s me that should ken,
That’s the ae place ye niver hae cramp. 
The lamp’s bidin’ here:  if he’s seekin’ a sicht
O’ yer tongue he can pull’t to the lamp!”

THE HYPOCHONDRIAC.

I dinna ken what is the maitter wi’ Jeams,
He canna get sleepit at nicht for his dreams,
An’ aye when he waukens he granes and he screams
Till he fair pits the shakers on me!

Can ye no mak’ up somethin’ to gie him a sleep? 
I’m tellin’ ye, doctor, he gars my flesh creep,
Till I’m that fu’ o’ nerves that the verra least cheep
Noo juist fair pits the shakers on me!

Wi’ his meat he was aince a man easy to please,
But last Sabbath he flang the fried ingans an’ cheese
That I had for his supper richt into the bleeze,
An’ he fair pit the shakers on me!

Then he sat in the ingle an’ chowed bogie-roll,
An’ read “Jowler’s Sermons” an’ talked o’ his soul,
Faith! conduc’ o’ that sort’s no’ easy to thole,
For it fair pits the shakers on me!

He’s plenty o’ siller, ye’re sure o’ your fee,
Just gie him a soondin’, an’ gin he’s to dee,
Come oot wi’ the truth-dinna fash for a lee,
It’ll no’ pit the shakers on me!

What!  Juist heepocondry?  Nocht wrang wi his chest? 
The Deil flee awa’ wi’ the man for a pest! 
To think o’ me lossin’ sae mony nichts’ rest
An’ him pittin’ the shakers on me!

Ay, though he may rout like the bull in the park,
I’se warrant the morn he’s on wi’ his sark,
An’ aff wi’ the rest o’ the men till his wark,
An’ he’ll no’ pit the shakers on me!

THE AULD CARLE.

The auld man had a girnin’ wife,
An’ she was aye compleenin’,
For a’ kin’ o’ orra things
The body aye was greenin’. 
It’s “I’ll try this,” and “I’ll try that,”
At ilka adverteesement,
She flang his siller richt an’ left
An’ niver got nae easement.

The carle he led sic a life,
The haill thing was a scunner,
Sae ae braw day his birse was up,
He fairly roondit on her. 
“Ye’re aye gaun to dee, gude-wife-
Fowre nichts I hinna sleepit,
Gin it’s to be, I wush to peace
Ye’d set a day an’ keep it!”

Wow! noo there was a tirravee! 
An angry wife was she, than! 
“An’ is it no’ my ain affair
The day I’m gaun to dee, than! 
Aha! ye think ye’ll tryst the wricht
An’ rid him o’ his timmer? 
Syne haud anither waddin’ wi’
Some feckless, thowless limmer!”

Awyte, but noo she’s fu’ o’ life
She’s ta’en anither tack o’t! 
An’ aye that she flees oot on him
His words is at the back o’t! 
Sae keep your tongue atween your teeth
When ettlin’ to be cliver,
Ense ye’ll be like the auld carle
An’ en’ waur aff than iver!