The correct attire for men is a black suit, black gloves and tie of grosgrain or taffeta silk, and a black band upon his hat.  The tailor adjusts this hat band with scrupulous nicety to the depth of his affliction.  It is deepest for a wife; it diminishes mathematically through the gamut of parents, children, brothers or sisters.

The widower is not expected to wear mourning for two years, unless he prefers to do so.  If he goes into the niceties of the garb he will wear black enamel shirt studs and cuff buttons, and a plain black watch fob.  After a year he may wear a gray suit, retaining the black accessories.

The custom, followed in some circles, of wearing a black band on the left coat sleeve, is to be emphatically condemned.  The place for the band is on the hat.  If not placed there, let it be nowhere.  On a gray or tan coat the effect is startling.  The custom of wearing such a band as emblem of mourning for a fellow member in a lodge, or any organization, whether worn by man or woman, is more honored in the breach than the observance.  Better drape the departed member’s seat in black, or hang crepe on the charter than follow this foolish fad.

The Duties of Friends.—­Where there is sickness in a family, friends call to make inquiries or to proffer assistance.  Kindness counsels that such calls should be brief; often duties press heavily upon the well, and the time spent in receiving visitors may be sadly needed for rest, or for other duties.  To stay to a meal or to take children on such a visit is inconsiderate, to say the least.  If help is needed, give it quietly, unobtrusively, and as efficiently as possible.  A little service rendered by a thoughtful neighbor is always appreciated, whereas the person who goes “a-visiting” where there is sickness comes near being a nuisance.

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In town, friends call at the door to make inquiries.  Unless very intimate, they do not expect to see any member of the family.  Cards are left, and it is correct to write “To inquire” on the card.  If death follows, cards are properly left, either before the funeral or within a week after the event.  Upon these may be written “with deepest sympathy.”  One does not ask to see one of the family.  Cards of this character are often sent by mail, and are acknowledged within three weeks by sending one’s visiting card with narrow black edge and envelope to match.  Across the top of the card is written “With grateful appreciation of your sympathy,” or “It is a comfort to feel that we have your sympathy in our loss.”  Cards are sometimes especially engraved for this purpose.  Such cards have a mourning border and are enclosed in an envelope and mailed.  One’s visiting card, with narrow black edge and black-bordered envelope, is sent in acknowledgment of invitations to weddings, receptions, etc.  If a note is necessary in reply to an invitation, it is written on note-paper having a narrow mourning border, and follows the customary formula, the border being an indication of the reason it is declined.