By Mrs. Elizabeth Johnstone

“The small courtesies sweeten life, the greater ennoble it.”

The social code which we call etiquette is no senseless formula.  It has a meaning and a purpose.  It is the expression of good manners, and good manners have been rightly called the minor morals.  This is true in the sense that they are the expression of the innate kindness and good will that sum up what we call good breeding.  As to its importance, Sir Walter Scott once said that a man might with more impunity be guilty of an actual breach of good morals than appear ignorant of the points of etiquette.

[684 Mothers’ remedies]

Every social custom has a foundation established by usage as a recognition of social needs, and intended to prevent rudeness and confusion; intended also to make polite society polite.  We must conform, according to our circle, to social conventions as thus established, since they are the ripened results of long and varied experience in what is most suitable and becoming.  Not to observe them is to advertise our ignorance and expose ourselves to criticism.

Importance of Knowledge.—­That the importance of a knowledge of social customs is widely felt is proved by the pathetic letters addressed to the editors of women’s magazines and departments, asking for information to enlighten ignorance.  Such letters range from the naive inquiry of the unsophisticated girl as to whether it is “proper” to allow her “gentleman friend” to kiss her good night, up to the plaint of the novice who doesn’t know how to make her spoons and forks come out even at a dinner-party.  Here in America, where circumstances may lift a family from poverty and obscurity to wealth, with a position to win in a few brief years, the first great anxiety of those not “to the manor born” is to learn how to comport themselves in their new situation, and educate their children in correct behavior.

Good manners are a necessary equipment of both men and women.  In many circles, success is impossible without such equipment.  An agreeable manner, a knowledge of what to do and when to do it, is indispensable to the woman in society, and any man who meets other men in a business way will willingly bear testimony to the reluctance with which he approaches the gruff, brusque man, whose manners are patterned after those of Ursa Major.  The man whose manners are agreeable may be as ugly as Caliban, yet please everybody.

Moreover, there is no weapon so effective against the rude and ill-mannered as a calm politeness—­a courtesy which marks the person who can practise it as superior to the one who cannot.  For one’s own peace of mind, one should learn the art of good manners.