“That is true, certainly, horribly true!” “And without any risk to me, eh? An accident, that is all; bad luck, one of those mistakes which happen every day in our business. What could they accuse me of? Whoever would think of accusing me, even? Homicide through imprudence, that would be all! They would even pity me, rather than accuse me. ’My wife! My poor wife!’ I should say, sobbing. ’My wife, who is so necessary to me, who is half the bread-winner, who takes part in my performance!’ You must acknowledge that I should be pitied!”
“Certainly; there is not the least doubt about that.” “And you must allow that such a revenge would be a very nice revenge, the best possible revenge, which I could have with assured impunity?” “Evidently that is so.” “Very well! But when I told her so, just as I have told you, and better still; threatening her, as I was mad with rage, and ready to do the deed that I had dreamt of, on the spot; what do you think she said?” “That you were a good fellow, and would certainly not have the atrocious courage to ...”
“Tut! tut! tut! I am not such a good fellow as you think. I am not frightened of blood, and that I have proved already, though it would be useless to tell you how and where. But I had no necessity to prove it to her, for she knows that I am capable of a good many things; even of crime; especially of a crime.” “And she was not frightened?” “No. She merely replied that I could not do what I said; you understand.” “That I could not do it!” “Why not?” “Ah! Monsieur, so you do not understand? Why do you not? Have I not explained to you by what constant, long, daily practice I have learnt to plant my knives without seeing what I am doing?” “Yes, well, what then?” “Well! Cannot you understand what she has understood with such terrible results, that now my hand would no longer obey me, if I wished to make a mistake as I threw?” “Is it possible?” “Nothing is truer, I am sorry to say. For I really have wished to have my revenge, which I have dreamt of, and which I thought so easy. Exasperated by that bad woman’s insolence and confidence in her own safety, I have several times made up my mind to kill her, and have exerted all my energy and all my skill, to make my knives fly aside when I threw them to make a border round her neck. I tried with all my might to make them deviate half an inch, just enough to cut her throat. I wanted to, and I have never succeeded, never. And always the horrible laugh makes fun of me, always, always.”
And with a deluge of tears, with something like a roar of unsatiated and muzzled rage, he ground his teeth as he wound up: “She knows me, the jade; she is in the secret of my work, of my patience, of my trick, routine, whatever you may call it! She lives in my innermost being, and sees into it more closely than you do, or than I do myself. She knows what a faultless machine I have become, the machine of which she makes fun, the machine which is too well wound up, the machine which cannot get out of order, and she knows that I cannot make a mistake.”