This interrupted letter winds up at the police-station, where my section is on guard. The weather is still horrible. It’s unspeakable, this derangement of our whole existence. We are under water: the walls are of mud, and the floor and ceiling too.
January 9.
. . . My consolations fail me in these days, on account of the weather. This horrible mess lets me see nothing whatever. I close with an ardent appeal to our love, and in the certainty of a justice higher than our own. . . .
Dear mother, as to sending things, I am really in need of nothing. Penury now is of another kind, but courage, always! Yet is it even sure that moral effort bears any fruit?
January 13, morning (in the trench).
I hope that when you think of me you will have in mind all those who have left everything behind: their family, their surroundings, their whole social environment; all those of whom their nearest and dearest think only in the past, saying, ’We had once a brother, who, many years ago, withdrew from this world, we know nothing of his fate.’ Then I, feeling that you too have abandoned all human attachment, will walk freely in this life, closed to all ordinary relations.
I don’t regret my new rank; it has brought me many troubles but a great deal of experience, and, as a matter of fact, some ameliorations.
So I want to continue to live as fully as possible in this moment, and that will be all the easier for me if I can feel that you have brought yourself to the idea that my present life cannot in any way be lost.
I did not tell you enough what pleasure the Revues Hebdomadaires gave me. I found some extracts from that speech on Lamartine which I am passionately fond of. Circumstances led this poet to give to his art only the lowest place. Life in general closed him round, imposing on his great heart a more serious and immediate task than that which awaited his genius.
January 15 (in a new billet), 12.30 P.M.
We no longer have any issue whatever in sight.
My only sanction is in my conscience. We must confide ourselves to an impersonal justice, independent of any human factor, and to a useful and harmonious destiny, in spite of the horrors of its form.
January 17, afternoon (in a billet).
What shall I say to you on this strange January afternoon, when thunder is followed by snow?
Our billet provides us with many commodities, but above all with an intoxicating beauty and poetry. Imagine a lake in a park sheltered by high hills, and a castle, or, rather, a splendid country house. We lodge in the domestic offices, but I don’t need any wonderful home comforts to perfect the dream-like existence that I have led here for three days. Last night we were visited by some singers. We were very far from the music that I love, but the popular and sentimental tunes were quite able to replace