chimeras with two white pinions, the nightmare fancies
at the disposal of a fervid imagination, can realize
the horrors that seized upon Gaston de Nueil when he
had reason to suppose that his ultimatum was in Mme.
de Beauseant’s hands. He saw the Vicomtesse,
wholly untouched, laughing at his letter and his love,
as those can laugh who have ceased to believe in love.
He could have wished to have his letter back again.
It was an absurd letter. There were a thousand
and one things, now that he came to think of it, that
he might have said, things infinitely better and more
moving than those stilted phrases of his, those accursed,
sophisticated, pretentious, fine-spun phrases, though,
luckily, the punctuation had been pretty bad and the
lines shockingly crooked. He tried not to think,
not to feel; but he felt and thought, and was wretched.
If he had been thirty years old, he might have got
drunk, but the innocence of three-and-twenty knew
nothing of the resources of opium nor of the expedients
of advanced civilization. Nor had he at hand one
of those good friends of the Parisian pattern who
understand so well how to say Poete, non dolet!
by producing a bottle of champagne, or alleviate the
agony of suspense by carrying you off somewhere to
make a night of it. Capital fellows are they,
always in low water when you are in funds, always
off to some watering-place when you go to look them
up, always with some bad bargain in horse-flesh to
sell you; it is true, that when you want to borrow
of them, they have always just lost their last louis
at play; but in all other respects they are the best
fellows on earth, always ready to embark with you on
one of the steep down-grades where you lose your time,
your soul, and your life!
At length M. de Nueil received a missive through the instrumentality of Jacques, a letter that bore the arms of Burgundy on the scented seal, a letter written on vellum notepaper.
He rushed away at once to lock himself in, and read and re-read her letter:—
“You are punishing me very severely, monsieur, both for the friendliness of my effort to spare you a rebuff, and for the attraction which intellect always has for me. I put confidence in the generosity of youth, and you have disappointed me. And yet, if I did not speak unreservedly (which would have been perfectly ridiculous), at any rate I spoke frankly of my position, so that you might imagine that I was not to be touched by a young soul. My distress is the keener for my interest in you. I am naturally tender-hearted and kindly, but circumstances force me to act unkindly. Another woman would have flung your letter, unread, into the fire; I read it, and I am answering it. My answer will make it clear to you that while I am not untouched by the expression of this feeling which I have inspired, albeit unconsciously, I am still far from sharing it, and the step which I am about to take will show you still more plainly that