Oh! how empty are these dreams, and how the devil in us, the man of flesh, mocks the God-led spirit that dreamed them!

The blood of the heart is master.  We shall never reach perfection.

July 4th.—­They have not met to-day.  I was at the Cottage, and we made merry as best we could.  Gabriel laughed.  But when I went into the larder to fetch the bread for tea, I stayed and cried; for he had laughed otherwise the first day I came.

Oh, what have we done, we two!  We set up Truth as our God, believing that we should right all the wrongs of the world by living clean of heart and hand and tongue.  Where are we now?  Falsehood lies thick upon us, blackening each word, each trifling action.  Yes, I went and cried in the larder, and when I got back to the kitchen Gabriel was playing with the kittens, a very imp as of old.  We laughed, both of us.

But later, when I came upon him unawares, he sat with head bowed low, and his white hands clasped on his knee.  I closed the door softly and went home.  It rained a little.

I knew, I know that I am cruel, yet,—­only one life,—­and I love him so!  Only one life, and he loves her so.  The road is dark; I cannot find my way.

July 6th.—­I have been very sinful.  I was worse yesterday, if can be, than before; more blind, unjust, and selfish.  Gabriel came to supper; it had been a hot day, and in the evening we walked together, we three.

We watched the colours fade from the sky and the blue night deepen; the little stars came one by one.  The wind rose, soft and cool, and there we stood, we three, under broad Heaven.  I fell back a little, and they went on side by side, silent and still.  Not a word, not a sign, but I knew, I, what peace was upon them, soothing the turmoil of their blood.  There they stood against the sky,—­how I had watched them, how I knew them,—­oh, my heart, how I loved them!  And it came to me suddenly how hatefully I had been loving them.

Two women passed us on the road; they spoke of their dead, and one of them said, “It is God’s will.”

I stood still and laughed aloud, so that my dears turned, wondering.  But I have repeated it to myself ever since.  The woman spoke the truth.  For, God or no God, there is a Might against which we cannot stand, and woe be unto those that lift their little wills against the will of Nature.  When two love, they must belong to each other; when one loves, Miserere.

I will wait a day or two, until I have learned my lesson well, until I am strong; then I will do what must be done.  But I must first be strong, test my strength to the uttermost, and tell myself every day, “She will be his; she will take the joy that shone into your eyes; you will have nothing, nothing.”

Then I must try to realise that thought and bear it nobly; for to make a sacrifice and bear it ill is beneath contempt.