RAILWAY DIRECTORS.
DEAR SIMON,
If
I were a Parliament man,
I’d make a long speech, and I’d
bring in a plan,
And prevail on the House to support a
new clause
In the very first chapter of Criminal
Laws!
But, to guard against getting too nervous
or low
(For my speech you’re aware would
be then a no-go),
I’d attack, ere I went, some two
bottles of Sherry,
And chaunt all the way Row di-dow di-down-derry![1]
Then having arrived (just to drive down
the phlegm),
I’d clear out my throat and pronounce
a loud “Hem!”
(So th’ appearance of summer’s
preceded by swallows,)
Make my bow to the House, and address
it as follows:—
“Mr. Speaker! the state of the Criminal
Laws”
(Thus, like Cicero, at once go right into
the cause)
Is such as demands our most serious attention,
And strong reprobation, and quick intervention.”
(This rattling of words, which is quite
in the fashion,
Shows the depth of my zeal, and the force
of my passion.)
“Though the traitor’s obligingly
eased of his head—
Though a Wilde[2] to the dark-frowning
gallows is led—
Tho’ the robber, when caught, is
most kindly sent hence
Beyond the blue wave, at his country’s
expense!—
Yet so bad, so disgracefully bad, seems
to me
The state of the law in this ‘Land
of the free’”—
(Speak these words in a manner most zealous
and fervid)—
That there’s no law for those who
most richly deserve it!
Yes, Sir, ’tis a fact not less true
than astounding—
A fact—to the wise with instruction
abounding,
That those who the face of the country
destroy,
And hurl o’er the best scenes of
Nature alloy—
Who Earth’s brightest portions cut
through at a dash—
Who mix beauty and beastliness all in
one hash”—
(I don’t dwell upon deaths, since
a reason so brittle
Is but worthy of minds unpoetic and little)—
“Base scum of the Earth, and sweet
Nature’s dissectors,
Meet with no just reward—these
same Railway Directors!”
I’ve not mentioned the “Laughters,”
the “Bravos,” the “Hears,”
“Agitations,” “Sensations,”
and “Deafening Cheers,”
Which of course would attend a speech
so patriotic,
So truly exciting, and anti-narcotic!
In this style I’d proceed, ’till
I’d proved to the House
That these railways, in fact, were a national
chouse,
And the best thing to do for poor Earth,
to protect her,
Would be—to hang daily a
Railway Director!
Of course the Hon. Members could
ne’er have a thought
Of opposing a motion with kindness so
fraught;
But would welcome with fervent and loud
acclamation }
A project so teeming with consideration,
}
As a model of justice, a boon to the nation!
}