* * * * *

[Illustration:  OLIVIA’S RETURN TO HER FRIENDS.

“I ENTREAT, WOMAN, THAT MY WORDS MAY BE NOW MARKED, ONCE FOR ALL; I HAVE
HERE BROUGHT YOU BACK A POOR DELUDED WANDERER; HER RETURN TO DUTY DEMANDS
THE REVIVAL OF OUR TENDERNESS.  THE KINDNESS OF HEAVEN IS PROMISED TO THE
PENITENT, AND LET OURS BE DIRECTED BY THE EXAMPLE.”

Vicar of Wakefield, Chap.  XXII.]

* * * * *

THE PHYSIOLOGY OF THE LONDON MEDICAL STUDENT.

8.—­OF THE EXAMINATION AT APOTHECARIES’ HALL.

[Illustration:  T]The last task that devolves upon our student before he goes up to the Hall is to hunt up his testimonials of attendance to lectures and good moral conduct in his apprenticeship, together with his parochial certificate of age and baptism.  The first of these is the chief point to obtain; the two last he generally writes himself, in the style best consonant with his own feelings and the date of his indenture.  His “morality ticket” is as follows:—­

(Copy.)

“I hereby certify, that during the period Mr. Joseph Muff served his time with me he especially recommended himself to my notice by his studious and attentive habits, highly moral and gentlemanly conduct, and excellent disposition.  He always availed himself of every opportunity to improve his professional knowledge.”

(Signed)

According to the name on the indenture.

The certificate of attendance upon lectures is only obtained in its most approved state by much clever manoeuvring.  It is important to bear in mind that a lecturer should never be asked whilst he is loitering about the school for his signature of the student’s diligence.  He may then have time to recollect his ignorance of his pupil’s face at his discourses.  He should always be caught flying—­either immediately before or after his lecture—­in order that the whole business may be too hurried to admit of investigation.  In the space left for the degree of attention which the student has shown, it is better that he subscribes nothing at all than an indifferent report; because, in the former case, the student can fill it up to his own satisfaction.  He usually prefers the phrase—­“with unremitting diligence.”

And having arrived at this important section of our Physiology, it behoves us to publish, for the benefit of medical students in general, and those about to go up in particular, the following

CODE OF INSTRUCTIONS

TO BE OBSERVED BY THOSE PREPARING FOR EXAMINATION AT THE HALL.

1.  Previously to going up, take some pills and get your hair cut.  This not only clears your faculties, but improves your appearance.  The Court of Examiners dislike long hair.