It is a well-known and established fact, that nothing so far conduces to the domestic happiness of all circles as the golden system of living within one’s income.  Luxuries cease to be so if after-reflection produces vexatious results; comfort flies before an exorbitant and unprepared-for demand; and the debtor dunned by the merciless creditor sinks into something worse than a cipher, as nothingness is denied him, and the one standing before him but aggravates, and multiplies his painful annoyances.  The great secret of satisfactory existence derives its origin from well-calculated and moderate expenditure.  Ten thousand a year renders pines cheap at 1l. 11s. 6d. per pound; ten hundred is better exemplified by Ribston pippins!

So in all grades are there various matters of taste which become extravagance if rushed into by persons unbreeched for the occasion.  Luckily for the present day, the tastes of the gourmand and epicure are merged in more manly sports; the great class of Corinthian aristocrats cull sweets from the blackened eyes of policemen—­raptures from wrenched-off knockers—­merriment in contusions—­and frantic delight in fractured limbs!  These innocent amusements have in their prosecution plunged many of their thoughtless and high-spirited devotees into pecuniary difficulties, simply from their ignorance of the costs attendant upon such exciting, fashionable, and therefore highly proper amusements.

Ever anxious to ameliorate the suffering and persecuted of ail classes, Messrs. Quibble and Quirk, attorneys-at-law, beg to offer their professional services at the following fixed and equitable rate,—­they, Messrs. Q. and Q., pledging themselves that on no occasion shall the charge exceed the sum opposite the particular amusement in the following list.

    N.B.  Five per cent, per annum taken off for terms of imprisonment.

    [Illustration:  hand] N.B.  For prompt payment only.

Messrs. Q. and Q.’s card of charges for defending a Nobleman, Right Honble., Baronet, Knight, Esquire., Gentleman, Younger Son, Head Clerk, Junior do., Westminster Boy, Medical Student, Grecian at Christ’s Church, Monitor, or any other miscellaneous individual aping or belonging to the aristocracy, from the following prosecutions:—­

         &nb
sp;                                                  L s. 
    To breaking a policeman’s neck 50 0
    To producing witnesses to swear policeman broke same
        himself 10 0
    To choice of situation of house in street where done,
        from roof of which policeman fell; fee to landlord’
        for number and affidavit 10 10
          
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      Total for neck, acquittal, witnesses, and perjury L70 10
          
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