In order to show that we intend going at high game, we shall begin with the stars; and if we do not succeed in levelling the heavens to the very meanest capacity—­even to that of

[Illustration:  AN INFANT IN ARMS—­]

we shall at once give up all claims to the title of an enlightener of the people.

Every body knows there are planets in the air, which are called the planetary system.  Every one knows our globe goes upon its axis, and has two poles, but what is the axis, and what the poles are made of—­whether of wood, or any other material—­are matters which, as far as the mass are concerned, are involved in the greatest possible obscurity.

The north pole is chiefly remarkable for no one having ever succeeded in reaching it, though there seems to have been a regular communication to it by post in the time of Pope, whose lines—­

  “Speed the soft intercourse from zone to zone. 
  And waft a sigh from Indus to the pole,”

imply, without doubt, that packages reached the pole; not, however, without regard to the size (SIGHS), which may have been limited.

The sun, every body knows, is very large, and indeed the size has been ascertained to an inch, though we must say we should like to see the gentleman who measured it.  Astronomers declare there are spots upon it, which may be the case, unless the savans have been misled by specks of dirt on the bottom of their telescopes.  As these spots are said to disappear from time to time, we are strongly inclined to think our idea is the correct one.  Some insist that the sun is liquid like water, but if it were, the probability is, that from its intense heat, the whole must have boiled away long ago, or put itself out, which is rather more feasible.

We do not think it necessary to go into the planets, for, if we did, it is not unlikely we should be some time time before we got out again; but we shall say a few words about our own Earth, in which our readers must, of course, take a special interest.

It has been decided, that, viewed from the moon, our globe presents a mottled appearance; but, as this assertion can possibly rest on no better authority than that of the Man in the Moon, we must decline putting the smallest faith in it.

It is calculated that a day in the moon lasts just a fortnight, and that the night is of the same duration.  If this be the case, the watchmen in the moon must be horridly over-worked, and daily labourers must be fatigued in proportion.  When the moon is on the increase, it is seen in the crescent; but whether Mornington-crescent or Burton-crescent, or any other crescent in particular, has not been mentioned by either ancient or modern astronomers.  The only articles we get from the moon, are moonlight and madness. Lunar caustic is not derived from the planet alluded to.

Of the stars, one of the most brilliant is Sirius, or the Dog-star, which it is calculated gives just one-twenty-millionth part of the light of the sun, or about as much as that of a farthing rushlight.  It would seem that such a shabby degree of brilliancy was hardly worth having; but when it is remembered that it takes three years to come, it really seems hardly worth while to travel so far to so very little purpose.