said the
Times and the country were two great
institutions. ‘You!’ he spoke, advancing
independently to the table, and grinning the old fogies
almost out of countenance, ’have got to render
an account of this game to the country! your just
unequiliberizing everything; and my humble opinion
is that you have got the fear fever in your heads.’
The old gentleman took it all in good part; in fact
(the truth must be told at times) they seemed rather
to fear and like the man of the
Times, who seldom
failed in getting by some mysterious process the secrets
of Downing street. However, as disturbances seldom
come separate, no sooner had the man of the
Times
been smoothed nicely down with Downing street soft-soap,
of which a never-failing supply was always at hand,
than a most furious hue and cry again echoed through
the old walls from another part of the house.
Alarm and anxiety darted into the face of everyone
present; all eyes stared in death-like gaze in the
direction from whence it came. Smooth being in
for a share of the alarm as well as the fun, looked
along with the rest, when, lo! high on a seat in the
corner, sat
Mr. Punch, his comical face glowing
through a sort of knot-hole and Toby perched on his
right shoulder, growling and looking as if he wanted
to bite every old fudge in the conclave.
Punch,
to outsecret the players, was, in a very clever sort
of way, taking private notes, the subject matter of
which he intended giving to his readers in a very
condensed and elegant volume. This started the
players to their feet, when each seized a book, and,
letting fly at
Punch’s head, drove him
scampering out of Downing street.
“Having got rid of Mr. Punch, and bowed
the man of the Times politely out, Grandmama
Fudge, in a strong Scotch brogue, said, ’Nu,
luds, let us gang awa to the crumpets—bring
‘um hither, mya bullies!’ He drew a sort
of simple contortion over his broad, hard face, and
mouthed his lips, as if he would the amplest dough-nut
be put on his plate. Palm, just as they were
resuming their seats, insinuated that as the venerable
old man was well gone in his dotage, he had better
measure his diet somewhat after the judicious character
of his diplomacy, which was celebrated for its small
doses crookedly doled out. The dish was again
removed, mouths began to water, eager eyes glanced
upon the steaming viands, giving out their strong glows
and unsavory smells. This incited dither strong,
on calling the two cooks its, after many and tedious
interrogatories, confessed, in fear and trembling,
that Grandmama Fudge had strictly ordered them fried
in grease of the Russian Bear, an animal for which
he entertained a curious sympathy. And here it
was observed, with no very commendable emphasis, that
the precious old dote had a particular partiality for
Bruin’s dominions, nor could be driven from the
strange hallucination. Another minute and the
poor old man was in the most alarming state of mind