dishonest that to be for once honest was tantamount to a great victory over his traditional immorality.  Knowing right well the traits of character this Joseph possessed, Jonathan would at short notice lend a willing hand to thrash other morals into his system.  However, with a view of leaving this point to be settled by more interested parties, Smooth proceeded to the holy places, where, he regrets to say, he shuddered at the thought of how much human slaughtering it had been the scene—­all done for holy causes.  Let an impious world forgive those Little Ones who in all ages have lent their aid to stimulate the worst passions!

“As for Turkey, I, Smooth, would make no insinuations against that lovely but ill-governed country.  Muslamism was dying by its own hand; it had shocked a world with its persecutions; it had scoffed at virtue, and was sinking down into its own deluge of vice.  The independence of Turkey!  Now, Mr. Smooth made no boast of his common-sense, but to such as he had it was a question whether the Turk, instead of exhibiting so fanatical a love for fighting, had not better betake himself to reconstructing and reforming his internal government, and by that means save himself from a continual jarring with nations sensitive of the rights of their subjects.  Should this be thought an employment too inferior, he might employ himself with a plan for enforcing a more strict respect for the rights and feelings of the christian population under his political rule.  It would not be incompatible with his own best interests, for it is unnatural that an inferior govern a superior race.  Flatterers, and even savans, may find apologies in the changes fortune has been pleased to make in the affairs of a state; but here so strong are the evidences of bad government that only lame excuses can be offered for the finest country the sun shines on groaning in poverty and distress.  The independence of Turkey!

“There could be no doubt that the Bear had long cherished a serious inclination to do for the Turkey, the character of whose independence he well understood.  He would make fertile use of its apathy.  The Bear would cook the Turkey with his own grease—­albeit, he found him a sick man, but had no objection to the meal.  If, however, he had lain his paws too rudely upon the patient, diplomatic donkeyism made the case still more dangerous.  Mr. Smooth begs the reader’s pardon for using the term ‘diplomatic donkeyism;’ but indeed the only difference he has yet been capable of detecting between the conclave which drew upon the nations of Europe so much carnal warfare and the assinine species is, that the former have soft heads in place of ears.  These diplomatic donkeys, ever ready to keep the world apprised of their own greatness, and without the slightest objection to getting up an unnecessary number of excitements for its benefit, betook themselves to playing drafts, in which game they made such an innumerable quantity of wrong moves,