The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 320 pages of information about The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth.

The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 320 pages of information about The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth.
the, State for Pierce and posterity.  Another individual near by, and who seemed inclined to doubt the assertion, suggested whether it were not more probable he carried all the watering establishments of that renowned state, seeing that his nose and eyes had stood the storm of spirits.  No one ever heard of his carrying anything else!  ‘True,’ rejoined another:  ’he can drink his way through a democratic canvass, tell the most amiable lies, absorb any amount of chaffing, and stands less at swearing than any other man in the country:  more than all, he can demolish the King’s English at a stroke.’  Such pulling, hauling, squeezing and yawning, ‘cussin’ and swearing—­such cross-firing, crooked joking, and slang jibes, never before was seen in such perfect medley.  In calmer moments, even the hard-fisted, iron-hearted, unterrified and never-washed democracy would have shed a few blushes over it.  Old democracy was nowhere—­Young America was triumphant; his sprouts were up and coming.

“‘Clear the way there!’ I exclaimed, raising my voice to a point.  ’Mr. Smooth will walk in, and himself present his card to the General.’  The crowd looked amazed,—­begun to give way.  ’Mr. Smooth, citizens,’ continued I, motioning as if it were my intention to speechify, ’is something of a body—­don’t stand none of your small fritters.  Mr. Smooth—­like the principles of his party—­was intended for cutting a figure in the world; he will unmask aristocracy, whip creation, and demonstrate the truth of manifest destiny.’  Then they all shouted a fashionable hee-haw, by which they hoped to drive me off the track; but it was no go.  ‘Clar the way,’ says I, ’or I’ll split the crowd like a thousand of bricks!’ I accompanied the word with a terrible look, at which they filed right and left as I chased square up to the inner door, where stood a stiff sort of person, whose clothes had grown on him—­so tight were they.  Surprised at my sudden approach, he first gave many nervous winks and blinks, and then added the silly airs of my Lord Spoonbill’s menial, who, with hair buttered and powdered, knew but the servilities of flunkeyism.  ’Is the General at home?’ I demanded, adding before he had time to answer, that if he had a spare lucifer I’d have no objection to taking a smoke with him.  With the consequence of a sleepy congressman, he inquired if my business with the General was special.  He seemed to have the keeping of the General, much after the fashion of a keeper who guards the wild animal of a menagerie.

“’You must send up your card:  it’s a question whether he is out of his morning gown and slippers, however!’ Here the man looked doubtingly at the card, then gave his head a significant shake.

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The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.