of Cuba, at any price. As for the attaches, one
got no pay, and was expected by the government to
do a deal of work, while the amount paid to the other
was so small that he very wisely spent it in cab-hire
to see the sights, which it just covered. One
might be almost sure of seeing the former gentleman
on the approach of a court concert, while the presence
of the other at the legation prognosticated the advent
of a drawing-room. In fact, Mr. Prompt said,
with considerable logic, that when people were only
half paid they were sure to do nothing. As for
himself (here he smiled, and commenced a new cigar),
why he did up the diplomacy of the establishment by
the job—that is, he absorbed in his lean
person the functions of minister plenipotentiary, secretary
of legation, and gentlemanly attaches. And for
the performance of their duties (the pickings were
not worth mentioning) he would, at the end of a few
years, make out his account against Uncle Sam, whom
he was sure was too straightforward and generous not
to allow it. ’Fact is, stranger,’
he reiterated with great assurance, ’I am almost
worked to death here.’ A monster gray cat
having entered the room, and inspected curiously the
several rat-traps, Mr. Prompt, as if much annoyed,
drew himself with great effort from the crippled chair,
and drove her unceremoniously out of the room, accompanying
her retreat with Peters on diplomacy. ‘Then,
Mr. Prompt,’ said I, ’may I consider myself
entirely in your hands?’ Again spreading his
boots on the table, and languidly elongating his lean
body, he replied, ‘nothin shorter!’ In
answer to a question, he said he could fix me out with
anything—from a passport to a grindstone.
In fact, he was a man of universal qualities, and
could accommodate the needy with almost anything.
He could issue a passport for the infernal regions;
he could give a card to dine with old Jones when one
got there; and by way of facilitating matters, lend
him a saddle to ride there. I admitted he was
exceedingly generous, and well calculated to bring
out all the various functions known to diplomacy;
but, having no taste for the sport he proposed, intimated
my preference for a box at the Opera, or an invitation
to dine with her Majesty. ‘Well, I do declare,’
says Prompt, who was seized with a very troublesome
cough, ‘if you ain’ got a-head on me there!’
Seeing his confusion, I begged he would pardon the
intimation. In reply, he good-naturedly drawled
out, ’them things, somehow, don’t come
within the privileges of this establishment. Can
accommodate ye with a box at the Theatre Royal, Westminster—play
the very best sort of patent farces in that national
place of amusement. Then they’ve an audience
so forbearing, that it makes no matter what they play,
and the fun of that establishment beats bull-fighting
all holler. Should the low-comedy man some call
Pam, and his walking gentleman, John, chance to have
steam up, you will be sure to get your money’s
worth. Take my word, said he: Covent Garden