mixed Commission than would have filled an octavo
volume. I cannot forbear to say, however, that
strange as is the character of many of these demands,
claims, and grievances, some of them might have been
settled without such a deplorable waste of time, had
it not been for the interference of that phantom devil,
Mr. General Pierce’s black pig, who is always
construing principles to suit his purposes. So
avaricious is that animal, that no amount of swill
seems to pacify his desire to overthrow principles
and defeat great objects. No place would seem
too obscure for the brute to get his nose into; no
demands too egregious for his appetite; no rights
too daintily established for his disregard. He
is here, there, and everywhere—demanding
with the same ferocious spirit. We had hoped
Mr. General Pierce would keep him at home during the
deliberations of this Convention: let us console
our disappointment by trusting to what the future
may bring forth.’ Here the Umpire’s
patience was at an end—patience no longer
remained with him a virtue. He rose moodily from
his seat, said the sitting would adjourn until to-morrow,
and betook himself to his dinner, which he added he
feared would get as cold as the gentlemen’s
pleas. This was rather abruptly bringing matters
to a close. The legal gentlemen, as if disturbed
elsewhere than in their thoughts, looked terror-stricken,
packed up their law tools, shouldered their green
bags, and, in the company of Mr. Smooth, sought a
place whereat to bestow good care on the inner temple.
Smooth, with all deference to the opinions of the very
respectable gentlemen of the mixed Commission, begs
to inform his readers, and Mr. Pierce in particular,
that they never will catch him looking in upon them
again.
CHAPTER XVIII.
SMOOTH RECEIVES THE DOCUMENTS, AND CALLS A CONGRESS
AT OSTEND.
“Several months having passed, during which
no further instructions from the General came to hand,
I began to think he had forgotten my mission, and
taken himself to dieting on gunpowder and War-Messages
for the next Congress. Then I received a private
note from his boy Caleb, in which he stated very confidentially
that everything was waiting the next turn in the Brigadier’s
mind. Caleb’s letter discovered much impatience
with his position, and a good many sly remarks which
were intended as a hit at Marcy and his budget.
I should tell the reader that an additional cause
of my anxiety was the not receiving a reply to a private
and confidential note to Pierce, in which I remonstrated
with him against the propriety of holding a thing
so open to base ridicule as a Congress of American
Ministers at Ostend. That fraternity of infallibility,
kings and princes, might become somewhat uneasy at
its presence, many honest-hearted republicans would
be deceived, and its result be only the illustration
of an unprecedented amount of folly on the part of
the American Executive. But the thing was a great