viewed by certain parties as a sort of ola podra;
before which deluded persons thought nothing more
certain than that their manifold grievances would be
patiently heard, their claims find a ready settlement,
and their family affairs all be handsomely arranged.
There had been men from the coast of Africa seeking
a protection under cousin Jonathan’s wing, by
which their demands on Old John were to them certain
of being paid. There were good men from Manchester,
who, forgetting their anti-slavery sentiment’s,
sought a relationship with our noble cousin which
dated from previous to 1812, and under the shadow of
his wings now sought to make the rascally Britishers
pay for certain slaves frittered away from them while
residing in Georgia, during the last war. There
too, were noble Dukes and Earls presenting claims against
our cousin for certain lands in Florida, presented
long since to them by some imbecile king, who would
upon the same style of conditions, have given away
the whole Continent. The said gentlemen had long
since forgotten the titles, and were only reminded
of them by the existence of this Commission.
English gentlemen from Mexico sought, through the
virtues of this Commission, pay for property appropriated
by General Scott during the Mexican war. Pensionless
widows thought it the grand centre of generosity,
and sought through it compensation for dead husbands.
Holders of Mississippi bonds regarded it a perfect
El Dorado, at the shrine of which those long repudiated
mementoes would be duly paid, hopes and angry passions
requited, and old Mississippi herself again, as bright
as a new-coined Jackson cent: and last, but not
least, gentlemen with very credulous and speculative
faculties, and who held the most doubtful species
of Florida bonds, had made their hearts glad on the
certain payment of them by the Commission. ‘In
a word,’ said the learned Councillor, ’nothing
can be more certain to my mind (and I am borne out
in the belief by the variety and character of the
claims presented to this Commission) than that the
whole world is beginning to look on our worthy transatlantic
cousin as the most generous, if not the most credulous,
fellow extant! Whether his model friend George
Saunders, can take to himself any merit for having
created this now very general opinion in Europe (by
virtue of his most extraordinary circulars), Smooth
is unable to decide; but certain is it that every
disaffected subject on the continent who can get up
spleen enough to fancy himself a much injured republican—’
Here General F—— interrupted, by
submitting to the honorable Umpire whether these remarks
were not gratuitous, irrelevant, and improper.
The Umpire, having given his opinion that they were
unduly long (extending a whole hour beyond his dinner-time),
begged the gentleman would turn the key to his concluding
remarks. ’I have only another remark to
make,’ rejoined the gentleman with the sharp
face: ’If Sydney Smith had lived, there
would have been more wit and sarcasm levelled at this