this amusement he would now and then bestow a good-natured and very sly wink upon a wag who sat at the opposite side of the table, ever and anon tickling with the feather of his quill the nasal organ of the Secretary, who had just melowed away into a delicious nap.  Flum proceeded:  ’I mean no disrespect to the proficiency, or to the very high position which my learned brother holds in this Convention; but what will be said by the two governments when it is found that among the great array of cases brought before this high tribunal so few have been settled without a reference to the Umpire?  I sincerely believe that did Her Majesty’s Councillor exhibit more readiness to meet our demands with a liberal and becoming spirit, many of the cases which have passed before this high tribunal might have been settled with little consumption of time, and at small cost to the nation.  I know General Pierce won’t like the way things are done here, and how can I doubt, seeing the distinguished person present who represents him in the capacity of special Minister (here Smooth acknowledged the compliment by making one of his very best bows), that he will be made acquainted with the facts.’  The Umpire, his countenance quickening, would inform gentlemen that the many personalities and invidious references he had so often heard reminded him rather of the pettifoggers of a police-court than the high representatives of two great governments, met for the purpose of dispassionately discussing the merits of grave international questions.  He had become wearied over such a useless waste of time, had purchased a whole library of law books (which he hoped never hereafter to have occasion to use), and must content himself with honor for his recompense.  Now he was willing to submit to the world whether there could be any honor conferred upon him by sitting from day to day, listening, at the same time using every effort to keep awake, to the legal cross-shots of gentlemen not inclined to agree to anything.  The Umpire ended in a voice deep and musical, drew himself again into his attitude of contemplation, and like an Egyptian Sphinx seemed gravely studious with himself.

“The American Commissioner approved of all that had fallen from the lips of the honorable gentleman.  So did the English Commissioner, who suspended his little amusement of the quill and the peas, and commenced examining the pages of his Vattel.  Having laid aside the paper spyglass, our English agent rose quickly to his feet, and with eyes darting legal tenacity, said he had a few remarks to make in reply to what he considered had very improperly fallen from the lips of his legal brother.  He did not intend disrespect to the very honorable Umpire, nor the gentlemen Commissioners, when he said that the rules on which the business of the Commission had been conducted seemed to him to be a complete mumble, growing deeper and deeper with difficulties.  Language had been used in that forum which would be more genially localized in Whitechapel, Drury Lane, St. Giles’s, or the Surrey Side:  he was sorry to see his transatlantic brother so familiar with the piquant jargon of those atmospheres it were well not to be too familiar with.