Boy
Judge, I ain’t used ’em at all.  See, dey’s brand new.

Judge Well, den youse charged wid totin’ concealed cards and attempt to gamble.  Ten years at hard labor.  Put him in de dark, Simpson, and throw de key away. 
(He looks at the girl and beams.)
Don’t you worry bout how you gointer git home.  You gointer be took home right, ’cause I’m gointer take you myself.  Bring on de next one, clerk.

Clerk
Jemima Flap-Cakes, charged with illegal possession and sale of alcoholic
liquors.

Judge
                             (She is a fat, black, belligerent
                             looking woman.  Judge looks coldly at
                             her.)
Well, you heard whut he said.  Is you guilty or unguilty?  And I’m tellin’
you right now dat you come up befo’ me it’s just like youse in church. 
You better have a strong determination, and you better tell a good
experience.

Jemima
                             (Arms akimbo)
Yes, I sold it and I’ll sell it again.
                             (snaps fingers and shakes hips)
How does ole booze-selling mama talk?

Judge
Yes, five thousand dollars and ten years in jail. 
                             (Snaps fingers and shakes hips)
How does ole heavy fining papa talk? 
                             (She is led away, shouting and
                             weeping)

Clerk
De Otis Blunt, charged wid stealin’ a mule. 
                             (Lawyer arises and comes forward with
                             the prisoner)

Lawyer
You can’t convict this man.  I’m here to represent him.

Judge
Yo’ mouf might spout lak a coffee pot but I got a lawyer
                             (Looks at other lawyer)
dat kin beat your segastuatin’. 
                             (Looks admiring at girl)
How am I chewin’ my dictionary and minglin’ my alphabets?

Lawyer
Well, I kin try, can’t I?

Judge
Oh yeah, you kin try, but I kin see right now where he’s gointer git all
de time dat God ever made dat ain’t been used already.  From now on. 
                             (To lawyer)
Go ‘head, and spread yo’ lungs all over Georgy, but he’s goin’ to jail! 
Mules must be respected.

LAWYER
                             (Striking a pose at the bar)
Your Honor,
                             (Looks at the pretty girl)
Ladies and Gentlemen—­

JUDGE
Never mind ‘bout dat lady.  You talk yo’ chat to me.

LAWYER
This is a clear case of syllogism!  Again I say syllogism.  My client is
innocent because it was a dark night when they say he stole the mule and
that’s against all laws of syllogism. 
                             (JUDGE looks impressed and laughs)