“Art he blowed!” said the Living Skeleton.  “Give we a yard o’ tripe an’ a scoopful iv mashed potatoos.”

“You aren’t cut out for a public career.  Matty you ought to abandon Living Skeletons and get a good eating part.”

“Wish t’ ‘eaven I could, but there’s ther missus an’ ther kids t’ think of.”

“Well, you can turn your head away when the banquet scene’s on.”

“What if I do; can’t I smell it?”

There was no escape—­poor Matty Cann had to be sacrificed to the requirements of art.

Professor Thunder spread himself to make the new act a success; he procured a clean tablecloth, and napkin, a crush hat and black opera coat (both second-hand) were purchased for the Missing Link.  A table, a chair, crockery, edibles, a bottle of beer, a walking stick, and an eyeglass were the rest of the properties.

When the Professor had explained to his patrons his gallant capture of the only living Missing Link in the jungles of Darkest Africa, and had put Mahdi through his paces, to the great amazement of the bucolic audience, he said: 

“And now, ladies and gents.  I have the pleasure of introducing to your notice an entire change of programme, exhihiting Mahdi, the Missing Link, in his wonderful act, called ‘Civilisation.’  You have, seen, ladies and gents, this here astonishing animal showing the natural qualities of the brute creation; you will now be privileged to see that side of his nature which approaches more nearly to humanity.  This act, I may tell you, ladies and gents, though a miracle of training, would not have been possible if wasn’t that the Missing Link has a good deal of human nature in his composition.”

After this the opera cloak was handed in to the Missing Link, and he put it on with awkward, monkey movements; he donned the crush hat, put the eyeglass in his eye, and with the walking’ stick promenaded the cage with some uncouth affectations of humanity.  Meanwhile, Madame Marve had carried the small table into the cage.  She spread a cloth, put on a few articles, and offered Mahdi a chair.

The Missing Link sat down, took off his hat, and closed it.  Then he examined the bill of fare, and pointed to an item.  While Madame was fulfilling the order Mahdi lounged in his chair, playing with the serviette, which he took from the ring, and spread on his lap.

After this Nickie went through the process of ordering and eating a dinner, the aim being to do the thing not too humanly, but as a trained animal might do it, throwing in a good deal of coarse humour, at which the audience roared.

The turn was a success, the spectators applauded vociferously.

“Ladies and gents.  I thank you,” said the Professor, bowing.  “You have witnessed a triumph of teaching and training over brute animal nature, and I hope that when you go out you’ll speak well of a show that has been in some measure the victim of a hireling press here in Wildbee.”