Fl. [aside].  Well, you can always pay him off in his own coin—­that is, if you shave your head, and throw away your spectacles, and give up stammering.

Pl. [aside].  But I can’t—­that’s where he has the pup-pup-pull over me. [Aloud.] There now, one or two bib-bib-breaths, and we are all right.  Now, dud-dud-don’t go off again; it can be all satisfactorily explained. [Aside.] Hang me if I know how!

El. [opens her eyes while Plumper is bending over her—­screams].  Oh, Adolphus!—­[shuts them again]

Pl.  There, there, my gug-gug-good lady, I’m not Adolphus; at least I am Adolphus, bub-bub-but not your Adolphus.  Here, Mr Gresham, if you’re her Ad-dod-dod-dod-ol-phus, you’d better take her.

El. [opens her eyes, sees Adolphus bending over her—­screams].  Oh, where am I?—­[shuts them again.]

Pl.  In the arms of your Adolphus.  We’re bub-bub-both Adolphuses.  I suppose, if you’ll rouse yourself a little, you’ll soon fif-fif-find out which is the right one.

Ad.  Lady Elaine, pardon me, and I will explain all.  I am Adolphus Gresham.  I came back from Naples a month ago, and have deceived you by disguising myself as Dr Plumper.  I shall never forgive myself unless you forgive me.

El.  Oh, this is too horrible! [Shrinks from him, and bursts into a violent fit of weeping.]

Pl.  There, that’s capital!  Nothing like a hearty fit of tears to kuk-kuk-comfort a woman when she finds herself in a mess.  Now Flamm, if you call a kuk-kuk-cab, we’ll put her in and send her home.

[Exit Flamm.

Ad.  If you’ll have the kindness, Dr Plumper, to give me your address, and allow me to call upon you to-morrow, I think I shall be able to give both Mrs Plumper and yourself a complete explanation of what must appear most extraordinary conduct on my part.

Re-enter Flamm.

Fl.  The cab is ready.

Ad.  Now, Lady Elaine, if you will allow Dr Plumper and myself to assist you, we will accompany you home. [Exeunt omnes.

SCENE VI.—­Lady Gules’s Boudoir.  Lord and Lady Gules—­Adolphus.

Lord G.  Ha, ha, ha!  Oh, wait a moment, my dear Gresham, or you’ll kill me with laughing.  It’s the best joke I ever heard in my life, and most cleverly executed.  So you caught the Radical, Comtist, aesthetic little minx in her own trap.  Oh, excellent!  I can’t say how thoroughly Lady Gules and I congratulate you on the success of your ruse, and how happy you have made us.  My lady there is too pleased with the probable result to quarrel about the means.  But how you did take us all in!  I give you my word I never suspected you for a moment.  Your stammer and wig were both admirable.  As for Elaine, she’s torturing her brain with metaphysical doubts as to the nature of love, and says she will never love again.  She tells her mother that her Adolphus was an ideal personage who has no longer existence, and that her love is buried with him; but here she comes, so we will leave you to fight your own battle.