Ad.  My mother and her little grandchildren, you mean.  I was not aware that they were to come here to-day.

Fl.  Your mother! and grandchildren!  Why, what the dev—–­ Oh, ah, ahem! [Aside.] I see—­mum’s the word.  Oh fie! sly dog!  Naughty, naughty!—­but so nice! [Whispers.] You are quite safe with me. [Aloud.] Yes, dear old lady—­she’s getting too old to walk much now. [Aside.] I only hope we shan’t meet the young one.  A jolly row there’ll be!

El.  I hope soon to have the pleasure of being introduced to Mr Plumper’s mother.  I am sure I shall like her.

Fl.  Oh, I am sure you will; she is the dearest, most delightful old lady! [Aside.] At least I hope she is by this time, for she was a horrid old cat up to the day of her death, ten years ago.  By Jove! here come Mrs Plumper and the young uns.  Now for it!

Enter Mrs Plumper.

Mrs Plumper.  Why, Adolphus, where have you been?  Excuse me, madam; I did not see that you were upon my husband’s arm.  Perhaps he’ll have the goodness to present his wife to you.

El.  His wife! her husband! [Screams—­faints.]

Mrs P.  Yes, madam.  You may well scream, “His wife! her husband!” and then pretend to faint.  Who else’s wife do you suppose I am?

Ad.  I am sorry I have no time for explanation now, as I must attend to this young lady; but if you will have the kindness to hold my hat, Mr Flamm. [Hands his hat to Flamm.] And you, madam, to take care of these. [Takes off his wig and spectacles and hands them to Mrs Plumper.] Your own senses will explain a good deal.  As you may have already discovered, I am not Mr Plumper at all; in fact, I perceive him approaching.  Help me to hold her head a little higher, please Mr Flamm; and Mrs Plumper, kindly undo the back of her dress, or her stays, or her chiton, or whatever is underneath, and let go everything generally, so as to give her a chance of breathing.

Enter Plumper.

Fl.  Here, Plumper, you’re a medical man, just come in the nick of time.  This gentleman here has been personating you for some reason or other, and the discovery caused the young lady to faint.  Mysterious, isn’t it?

Ad.  Not at all, when you come to know the circumstances.  Here is my card; and you will find me ready to make any apology or offer you any satisfaction you may require.  Meantime, Dr Plumper, let me implore you to assist me in bringing her to.

Pl.  There now, my gug-gug-good lady, take a smell of this.  There now, we are beginning to feel beb-beb-better already. [Aside.] Most extraordinary coincidence, Flamm:  this is the same lady and gentleman we travelled up to town with a kuk-kuk-couple of months ago; and you remarked upon our wonderful resemblance to each other.  Horrid bob-bob-bore, a fellow’s being so like you; he can pip-pip-play all sorts of tricks upon you.  Just a chance he did not get me into a did-did-devil of a scrape with Jemima.