TED. Thanks, Tippy.

TIPPY.  I’ll be damned if I know what you do need!

TED. Guts.  Guts is what I need.—­My health’s good enough for physical labor, but nobody wants me to dig ditches.

TIPPY.  Did you ever see a steam shovel at work?  I don’t say you’re any use to the world or have any right to live in it.  But making a hundred men like you substitute for a steam shovel is plain damn silly.  It’s an insult to the steam shovel.

TED. [With deep, quiet desperation which grows more and more intense through the following scenes.] What should I do?  What was it intended for me to do?

TIPPY.  Live like an aristocrat.

TED. As Martin would say—­on the backs of the workers.

TIPPY.  The workers don’t seem to mind.  They didn’t throw you off.

TED. No, but who did?

TIPPY.  The other guys on the backs of the workers.

TED. No one in particular threw me off.

TIPPY.  Then maybe you just fell off.  The worker’s back is broad, but it’s not broad enough to accommodate all of us.

TED. But you’re not a revolutionist?

TIPPY.  Hell, no.  I’m a dog washer.

[KATE enters, excited, out of breath.]

KATE.  Ted—­guess what!  I’ve got a job for you!

TED. [Not believing.] A job?  For me?

TIPPY.  You mean that?

KATE.  I do.  It’s nothing to brag about, but it’s a job.

TIPPY.  Private industry or relief?

KATE. [Indignantly.] Relief?  Certainly not.  It’s real work.

TIPPY.  With real money—­that’s great.

KATE.  Oh, it’s nothing fancy; but it’ll pay enough for Ted to live better than he has been living.

[TED doesn’t grow enthusiastic, and KATE becomes resentful.  Sensing this, TIPPY keeps up the badinage.]

TIPPY.  How many questions will you give me to name the job?

KATE.  Oh, you’d never guess it.

TIPPY.  Come on, Ted, we’ll alternate and spot it in ten questions. 
I’m first.  Is it indoors or out?

KATE.  In.

[They wait for TED’s question.]

TED. [Dully.] Is it working on commission?

KATE. [Triumphantly.] No.  Regular wages.

TIPPY.  Is the wage above or below $25.00 a week?

KATE.  It’s a little below.

TED. Is it in an office?

KATE.  No.

TIPPY.  Would he wear a white collar at work?

KATE.  Yes.

TIPPY.  Hey, Ted, use your head.  That’s five questions gone.

TED. Do I have to sell anything?

KATE.  No.

TIPPY.  Indoors.  No office.  Low wages.  White collar.  No selling. [Thinking.] Does he work with his hands or his head—­or his mouth?

KATE.  His hands and his mouth.

TIPPY.  But not his head.  That’s illuminating.