So they both sat a-crying.

Now after a time, when they did not come back, the farmer began to wonder what had happened, and going down to the cellar found them seated side by side on the cask, crying hard, and the cider running all over the floor.

“Zounds!” says he, “whatever is the matter?”

“Just look at that horrid mallet up there, father,” moaned the mother.  “Supposing our daughter was to marry her sweetheart, and supposing they was to have a son, and supposing he was to grow to man’s estate, and supposing he was to come down to draw cider like as we’re doing, and supposing that there mallet was to fall on his head and kill him, how dreadful it would be!”

“Dreadful indeed!” said the father and, seating himself beside his wife and daughter, started a-crying too.

Now upstairs the young squire wanted his supper; so at last he lost patience and went down into the cellar to see for himself what they were all after.  And there he found them seated side by side on the cask a-crying, with their feet all a-wash in cider, for the floor was fair flooded.  So the first thing he did was to run straight and turn off the tap.  Then he said: 

“What are you three after, sitting there crying like babies, and letting good cider run over the floor?”

Then they all three began with one voice, “Look at that horrid mallet!  Supposing you and me/she was married, and supposing we/you had a son, and supposing he was to grow to man’s estate, and supposing he was to come down here to draw cider like as we be, and supposing that there mallet was to fall down on his head and kill him, how dreadful it would be!”

Then the young squire burst out a-laughing, and laughed till he was tired.  But at last he reached up to the old mallet and pulled it out, and put it safe on the floor.  And he shook his head and said, “I’ve travelled far and I’ve travelled fast, but never have I met with three such sillies as you three.  Now I can’t marry one of the three biggest sillies in the world.  So I shall start again on my travels, and if I can find three bigger sillies than you three, then I’ll come back and be married—­not otherwise.”

So he wished them good-bye and started again on his travels, leaving them all crying; this time because the marriage was off!

Well, the young man travelled far and he travelled fast, but never did he find a bigger silly, until one day he came upon an old woman’s cottage that had some grass growing on the thatched roof.

And the old woman was trying her best to cudgel her cow into going up a ladder to eat the grass.  But the poor thing was afraid and durst not go.  Then the old woman tried coaxing, but it wouldn’t go.  You never saw such a sight!  The cow getting more and more flustered and obstinate, the old woman getting hotter and hotter.

At last the young squire said, “It would be easier if you went up the ladder, cut the grass, and threw it down for the cow to eat.”