then the so-called social duties—­giving dinners, receptions, etc., and attending them.  I hear the most important news I get at so-called social functions.  Then the court functions; and the meetings and speeches!  The American Ambassador must go all over England and explain every American thing.  You’d never recover from the shock if you could hear me speaking about Education, Agriculture, the observance of Christmas, the Navy, the Anglo-Saxon, Mexico, the Monroe Doctrine, Co-education, Woman Suffrage, Medicine, Law, Radio-Activity, Flying, the Supreme Court, the President as a Man of letters, Hookworm, the Negro—­just get down the Encyclopaedia and continue the list.  I’ve done this every week-night for a month, hand running, with a few afternoon performances thrown in!  I have missed only one engagement in these seven months; and that was merely a private luncheon.  I have been late only once.  I have the best chauffeur in the world—­he deserves credit for much of that.  Of course, I don’t get time to read a book.  In fact, I can’t keep up with what goes on at home.  To read a newspaper eight or ten days old, when they come in bundles of three or four—­is impossible.  What isn’t telegraphed here, I miss; and that means I miss most things.

I forgot, there are a dozen other kinds of activities, such as American marriages, which they always want the Ambassador to attend; getting them out of jail, when they are jugged (I have an American woman on my hands now, whose four children come to see me every day); looking after the American insane; helping Americans move the bones of their ancestors; interpreting the income-tax law; receiving medals for Americans; hearing American fiddlers, pianists, players; sitting for American sculptors and photographers; sending telegrams for property owners in Mexico; reading letters from thousands of people who have shares in estates here; writing letters of introduction; getting tickets to the House Gallery; getting seats in the Abbey; going with people to this and that and t’other; getting tickets to the races, the art-galleries, the House of Lords; answering fool questions about the United States put by Englishmen.  With a military attache, a naval attache, three secretaries, a private secretary, two automobiles, Alice’s private secretary, a veterinarian, an immigration agent, consuls everywhere, a despatch agent, lawyers, doctors, messengers—­they keep us all busy.  A woman turned up dying the other day.  I sent for a big doctor.  She got well.  As if that wasn’t enough, both the woman and the doctor had to come and thank me (fifteen minutes each).  Then each wrote a letter!  Then there are people who are going to have a Fair here; others who have a Fair coming on at San Francisco; others at San Diego; secretaries and returning and outgoing diplomats come and go (lunch for ’em all); niggers come up from Liberia; Rhodes Scholars from Oxford; Presidential candidates to succeed Huerta; people