the eyes of a serpent is to say nothing. I felt
her soul in them, looking into mine—looking,
if such a thing can be, unconsciously to her own mortal
self. I tell you my impression, in all its horror
and in all its folly! That woman is destined
(without knowing it herself) to be the evil genius
of my life. Her innocent eyes saw hidden capabilities
of wickedness in me that I was not aware of myself,
until I felt them stirring under her look. If
I commit faults in my life to come—if I
am even guilty of crimes— she will bring
the retribution, without (as I firmly believe) any
conscious exercise of her own will. In one indescribable
moment I felt all this—and I suppose my
face showed it. The good artless creature was
inspired by a sort of gentle alarm for me. “I
am afraid the heat of the room is too much for you;
will you try my smelling bottle?” I heard her
say those kind words; and I remember nothing else—I
fainted. When I recovered my senses, the company
had all gone; only the lady of the house was with me.
For the moment I could say nothing to her; the dreadful
impression that I have tried to describe to you came
back to me with the coming back of my life.
As soon I could speak, I implored her to tell me the
whole truth about the woman whom I had supplanted.
You see, I had a faint hope that her good character
might not really be deserved, that her noble letter
was a skilful piece of hypocrisy—in short,
that she secretly hated me, and was cunning enough
to hide it. No! the lady had been her friend
from her girlhood, was as familiar with her as if
they had been sisters—knew her positively
to be as good, as innocent, as incapable of hating
anybody, as the greatest saint that ever lived.
My one last hope, that I had only felt an ordinary
forewarning of danger in the presence of an ordinary
enemy, was a hope destroyed for ever. There
was one more effort I could make, and I made it.
I went next to the man whom I am to marry. I
implored him to release me from my promise. He
refused. I declared I would break my engagement.
He showed me letters from his sisters, letters from
his brothers, and his dear friends— all
entreating him to think again before he made me his
wife; all repeating reports of me in Paris, Vienna,
and London, which are so many vile lies. “If
you refuse to marry me,” he said, “you
admit that these reports are true—you admit
that you are afraid to face society in the character
of my wife.” What could I answer?
There was no contradicting him—he was plainly
right: if I persisted in my refusal, the utter
destruction of my reputation would be the result.
I consented to let the wedding take place as we had
arranged it— and left him. The night
has passed. I am here, with my fixed conviction—
that innocent woman is ordained to have a fatal influence
over my life. I am here with my one question
to put, to the one man who can answer it. For
the last time, sir, what am I—a demon who
has seen the avenging angel? or only a poor mad woman,
misled by the delusion of a deranged mind?’