It is impossible to say just how this war would have ended if an unforeseen neutral incident had not brought an influence to bear which made a continuation of the conflict an impossible and aimless task.

One day the deaf, and dumb, and blind husband and wife were sitting by the neutral hearth as far apart as it was possible to be removed and yet be able to enjoy the friendly heat of the neutral air-tight heater.  The neutral cat jumped up on the husband’s knee, but in his belligerent mood he dashed it to the floor.  The wife picked it up and stroked its sleek fur.  The neutral children were out in the garden abusing the flowers and breaking pickets from the fence; and one had an old saw and was sawing at the trimmings of the cottage like a woodsman sawing down a cedar at the coast.

There was rustling of a lady’s skirt, and the tramp of hurried feet on the garden path outside.  The next moment the door was pushed open and Fred and Flossy dashed in, laughing like to split their sides.

“You tell them,” said Fred.

“No, you,” said Flossy, blushing deeply.

“No, you,” said Fred, and he seized Flossy’s hand.

“Well, you know, Fred has—­” she began.

“To make a long story short,” said Fred, “we are to be married, and the date has been fixed for June.”

When Vesuvius buried up Pompeii the people could not have been more horrified than the belligerent husband and wife.  They looked at each other for the first time in six months.  The man pitied the woman, and cursed himself for crossing swords with her.  The woman at once recognized her husband as a hero, and was ashamed of herself.  They each waited for the other to make the first confession, but it was left to both.  They sprang into each other’s arms and became welded for life in one beautiful but awful squeeze.

The fright had cured them.  It had opened their eyes to the realization of the ridiculousness of the situation, and revealed the criminality of their past behavior.

The volcano ceased to pour forth lava.  The earth-tremblings became still.  The sun peeped out from behind the clouds.  Manfred got back his job on the railway.  The water and light arrears were paid up.  The fence was repaired, and the garden irrigated.  The children were called in from the woods and curried down.  Kisses and smiles took the place of scowls and curses.  The sideboard was replenished, and the hens were persuaded to work for their own family.  Even the willows ceased to weep; and, oh, my! but it was a beautiful resurrection.  And thus Paradise was gained again.

Of the Two Ladies in Contrast

Once upon a time in Ashcroft two ladies were thrown into the same society; because in Ashcroft there is only one class.  When any function took place the glad hand was extended to one and all.  For every dollar possessed by one of the ladies’ husbands the other husband had five.  Mrs. Fivedollars was very extravagant in her dress and domestic department, and Mrs. Onedollar was very envious and ambitious.  The husband of the one dollar variety was more or less of a henpeck because he could not multiply his income by five and produce a concrete result.