own family.  I have no complaint to make, but I feel that the whole attention of my wife is given to Ld.  N. and his interest at Merton.  I well know the purity of Ld.  N.’s friendship for Emma and me, and I know how very uncomfortable it wou’d make his Lp, our best friend, if a separation shou’d take place, & am therefore determined to do all in my power to prevent such an extremity, which wou’d be essentially detrimental to all parties, but wou’d be more sensibly felt by our dear friend than by us.  Provided that our expences in housekeeping do not encrease beyond measure (of which I must own I see some danger), I am willing to go on upon our present footing; but as I cannot expect to live many years, every moment to me is precious, & I hope I may be allow’d sometimes to be my own master, & pass my time according to my own inclination, either by going my fishing parties on the Thames or by going to London to attend the Museum, R. Society, the Tuesday Club, & Auctions of pictures.  I mean to have a light chariot or post chaise by the month, that I may make use of it in London and run backwards and forwards to Merton or to Shepperton, &c.  This is my plan, and we might go on very well, but I am fully determined not to have more of the very silly altercations that happen but too often between us and embitter the present moments exceedingly.  If realy one cannot live comfortably together, a wise and well concerted separation is preferable; but I think, considering the probability of my not troubling any party long in this world, the best for us all wou’d be to bear those ills we have rather than flie to those we know not of.  I have fairly stated what I have on my mind.  There is no time for nonsense or trifling.  I know and admire your talents & many excellent qualities, but I am not blind to your defects, and confess having many myself; therefore let us bear and forbear for God’s sake."[47]

There are other accounts by eye-witnesses of the home life at Merton, in which participated, from time to time, not only the many outside guests, of whose burden Hamilton complained, but also most of the members of the Nelson family.  Lord Minto, who had returned to England from Vienna, and whose personal friendship to Nelson never slackened, wrote to his wife, in March, 1802:  “I went to Lord Nelson’s on Saturday to dinner, and returned to-day in the forenoon.  The whole establishment and way of life are such as to make me angry, as well as melancholy; but I cannot alter it, and I do not think myself obliged, or at liberty, to quarrel with him for his weakness, though nothing shall ever induce me to give the smallest countenance to Lady Hamilton.  She looks ultimately to the chance of marriage, as Sir William will not be long in her way, and she probably indulges a hope that she may survive Lady Nelson; in the meanwhile she and Sir William, and the whole set of them, are living with him at his expense.  She is in high looks, but more immense than ever.  The love she