J.  F. (Aside:  True for you, old Benson, or else how could I have subpoenaed you?)

Mr. H.  I thank your Grace:  that will do.

J.  F.  I now call Lord Tennyson.

[LORD TENNYSON sworn.

J.  F.  My lord, have you been present, in disguise, at a meeting of the Socialist League in 13 Farringdon Road?

Lord T.  What’s that to you?  What do you want to know for?  Yes, I have, if it comes to that.

J.  F.  Who brought you there?

Lord T.  A policeman:  one Potlegoff.  I thought he was a Russian by his name, but it seems he is an Englishman—­and a liar.  He said it would be exciting:  so I went.

J.  F.  And was it exciting?

Lord T.  NO:  it was dull.

J.  F.  How many were present?

Lord T.  Seventeen:  I counted them, because I hadn’t got anything else to do.

J.  F.  Did they plot anything dreadful?

Lord T.  Not that I could hear.  They sat and smoked; and one fool was in the chair, and another fool read letters; and then they worried till I was sick of it as to where such and such fools should go to spout folly the next week; and now and then an old bald-headed fool and a stumpy little fool in blue made jokes, at which they laughed a good deal; but I couldn’t understand the jokes—­and I came away.

J.  F.  Thank you, my lord.

Mr. H.  My lord Tennyson, I wish to ask you a question.  You say that you couldn’t understand their jokes:  but could you understand them when they were in earnest?

Lord T.  No, I couldn’t:  I can’t say I tried.  I don’t want to understand Socialism:  it doesn’t belong to my time. [Exit.

J.  F.  I call Professor Tyndall.

[PROFESSOR TYNDALL sworn.

J.  F.  Professor Tyndall, have you seen me before?

Pro.  T.  Yes; I have seen you in a public-house, where I went to collect the opinions of the lower orders against Mr. Gladstone.

J.  F.  Who was I with?

Pro.  T.  You were with a man whom I was told was a policeman in plain clothes, and with some others that I assume to have been friends of yours, as you winked at them and you and they were laughing together as you talked to the policeman.

J.  F.  Do you see the policeman in Court?

Pro.  T.  Yes; there he is.

J.  F.  Was he drunk or sober?

Pro.  T.  What, now?

J.  F.  No—­then.

Pro.  T. (with decision).  Drunk.

J.  F.  Was I drunk?

Pro.  T.  What, now?

J.  F.  No—­then; though you may tell me whether I’m drunk or not now, if you like, and define drunkenness scientifically.