[Carter here kneels down to get something from under the sofa.

    Wills. “Are you going to pray?” (laughter).

Personality, of course, counts for much, and both Miss GLADYS COOPER and Mr. OWEN NARES have enough admirers to ensure a success for this rather moderate farce.  But not a triumph, I fear; for, after all, the play counts for something too and, though all the Faithful may be trusted to put in one appearance, I doubt if many outside the ranks of the Very Faithful will turn again at the sound of these Wedding Bells.

O.S.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “AND WHY AREN’T YOU GOING TO SUNDAY SCHOOL?”

“’COS IT’S ’AROLD’S TURN FOR THE COLLAR.”]

* * * * *

    MORE DIRECT ACTION.

    “Northumberland Miners’ Executive have decided to have Mr. Robert
    Smillie’s portrait painted in oils for Burt Hall, Newcastle.

    Other matter relating to the coal crisis appears on Page Eleven.”—­
    Daily Telegraph.

* * * * *

    “DAY BY DAY.

    Well, did you get your gun and have a shot at the pheasants and the
    partridges yesterday?”—­Scotch Paper, Sept. 2nd.

Naturally; the same gun with which we knocked the grouse over in July.

* * * * *

    “TEMP.  IN SHADE.—­Max. of past 24 hours.  Hyderabad (Sind) ... 941.2.”—­
    Indian Paper.

Good for the Sinders.

* * * * *

    “One Dog with fairy tail came to my house, ——­, Srimanta Dey’s Lane,
    may be restored to the owner on satisfactory proof.”—­Statesman
    (Calcutta).

The evidence of a dog like that would of course be useless.

* * * * *

    “The Cathedral Choristers received a flattening reception.”—­
    Provincial Paper.

That should “learn” them to sing sharp.

* * * * *

  There was a young man of Combe Florey
  Who wrote such a gruesome short story,
      The English Review
      Found it rather too blue
  And MASEFIELD pronounced it too gory.

* * * * *

TO GENERAL OI.

(The Japanese Commander-in-Chief.)

  The famous commanders of old
  Were highly and duly extolled,
  But their names, as recorded in song,
  As a rule were excessively long—­
  Unlike that new broth of a boy,
  The Japanese General OI.

  For we’ve bettered in numerous ways
  Those polysyllabic old days,
  And the names that confounded the Bosch
  Were monosyllabic—­like FOCH;
  But for brevity minus alloy
  Give me Generalissimo OI.

  NAPOLEON now is napoo;
  ALEXANDER, THEMISTOCLES, too;
  And you could not find space on the screen
  For MILTIADES, plucky old bean,
  Or the names of the heroes of Troy;
  But there’s plenty of room for an OI.