* * *

A man who stole the same fowls twice has been charged at Grimsby.  He pleads that his bookkeeper omitted to enter them in the day-book the first time.

* * *

It is now being hinted in political circles that Mr. William Brace, M.P., has consented to bequeath his moustache to the nation.

* * *

Mr. Smillie was much heartened by the news from Lucerne that the prime Minister had climbed down the Rigi in three hours.

* * *

As a result of the new rise in the price of petrol many of the middle-class have been compelled to turn down their automatic cigarette-lighters.

* * *

Although we may appear to be a little previous, we have it on good authority that Mr. Bottomley is already making arrangements to predict that the approaching coal-strike will end before Christmas.

* * *

The various attempts to swim or cycle across the Channel having proved unsuccessful, we hear that interest is again being revived in the proposed Channel Tunnel.

* * *

It is rumoured that Councillor Clark has recently purchased a large consignment of Government flannel, in order to provide adequate underclothing for mixed bathers.

* * *

A large quantity of rusty piano wire, says a news item, has been found in a valuable milch cow at Boston, Lines.  There is hope that the “Tune the Cow Died of” may now be positively identified.

* * *

According to a sporting paper there is a great shortage of referees this season.  The offer to receive any member of this profession into the ranks of the Royal Irish Constabulary without further qualifications is no doubt responsible for fifty per cent. of the loss, whilst fair wear and tear probably account for the remainder.

* * *

“It is high time,” writes a correspondent in The Daily Mail, “that a clearly defined waist-line should be reintroduced into feminine dress.”  Others claim that as the neck-line is now worn round the waist the reintroduction of a waist-line elsewhere can only lead to confusion.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Insurance Clerk (taking personal particulars of prospective policy-holder).  “And what is your profession, sir?”

Artist. “Painter.”

Clerk. “What sort of Painter?”

Artist. “Splendid.”]

* * * * *

The coal strike.

    “The part of the public is to keep cool.”—­The Times.

A strike should make this fairly easy.

* * * * *

From the advertisement of a “Unique Battlefields Tour":—­

    “Passports and Visors obtained and annoyances reduced to a minimum.”—­
    Daily Paper.