CHAPTER XIV.

“BUTTERED PARSNIPS.”

I shall never forget the first time I heard the homely proverb, once better known than now, “Fine words butter no parsnips.”

A bitter-tongued old lady, with an eye like a hawk’s, and a certain suspicious turn of the head to this side and that which reminded one of the same bird of prey, was discussing a new neighbor.

“I don’t hold with meaching ways at any time and in anybody,” said the thin croak, made more husky by snuff, a pinch of which she held between thumb and finger, the joined digits punctuating her strictures.  “And she’s one of the fair-and-softy sort.  A pleasant word to this one, and a smile to that, and always recollecting who is sick, and who is away from home, and ready to talk about what pleases you, and not herself, and praising your biscuits and your bonnets and your babies, and listening to you while you are talking as if there was nobody else upon earth.”

Like the octogenarian whose teeth gave out before his dry toast, she “hadn’t finished, but she stopped” there, being clean out of breath.

“But Mrs. A.!” I raised my girlish voice to reach the deaf ears.  “I think all that is beautiful.  I only wish I could imitate her, and be as popular and as much beloved.”

“Humph!” inhaling the snuff spitefully.  “She’s too sweet to be wholesome.  Fair words butter no parsnips.  Look out for a tongue that’s smooth on both sides.  What does the Bible say of the hypocrite?  ’The words of his mouth were smoother than butter.’  I’d rather have honest vinegar!”

I stood too much in dread of her frankness to ask if sugar is never honest, or to speculate audibly why she chose parsnips with their length of fibre and peculiar cloying sweet, as types of daily living.  The adage seemed droll enough to me then, and it is odd even now that I have become familiar with it in the talk of old-fashioned people.  Interpreting it as they do, I dispute it stoutly.  Parsnips may be only passable to most palates even when buttered.  They would be intolerable with vinegar.  Furthermore,—­before we drop the figure,—­if anything can butter them, it is fair words.

This business which we call living is not easy at the best.  Our parsnips are sometimes tough and stringy; sometimes insipid; often withered by drought or frost-bitten.  If served without sauce, they—­to quote our old-fashioned people again—­“go against the stomach.”

There is a pernicious fallacy to the effect that a rough tongue is an honest one.  There are quite as many unpleasant untruths told as there are flattering falsehoods.  Because a speech is kind it is not of necessity a lie, nor does a remark gain in truth in direct ratio as it loses its politeness.  Often the blunt criticism is the outcome of a savage instinct on the part of the perpetrator.  In America, men and women (always excepting Italians) do not carry poniards concealed in their breasts, or swords at their sides.  In lieu of these the tongue is used to revenge an evil.