refusal affords as much pleasure as the gift would have done.  It is true that people do not hesitate to ask from those who readily oblige, nevertheless I ought not to avoid importunate Sisters on the pretext that I shall be forced to refuse.  The Divine Master has said:  “From him that would borrow of thee turn not away."[30] Nor should I be kind in order to appear so, or in the hope that the Sister will return the service, for once more it is written:  “If you lend to them of whom you hope to receive, what thanks are to you?  For sinners also lend to sinners for to receive as much.  But you do good and lend, hoping for nothing thereby, and your reward shall be great."[31]

Verily, the reward is great even on earth.  In this path it is only the first step which costs.  To lend without hope of being repaid seems hard; one would rather give outright, for what you give is no longer yours.  When a Sister says confidently:  “I want your help for some hours—­I have our Mother’s leave, and be assured I will do as much for you later,” one may know well that these hours lent will not be repaid, and be sorely tempted to say:  “I prefer to give them.”  But that would gratify self-love, besides letting the Sister feel that you do not rely much on her promise.  The Divine precepts run contrary to our natural inclinations, and without the help of grace it would be impossible to understand them, far less to put them in practice.

Dear Mother, I feel that I have expressed myself with more than usual confusion, and I do not know what you can find to interest you in these rambling pages, but I am not aiming at a literary masterpiece, and if I weary you by this discourse on charity, it will at least prove your child’s good will.  I must confess I am far from living up to my ideal, and yet the very desire to do so gives me a feeling of peace.  If I fall into some fault, I arise again at once—­and for some months now I have not even had to struggle.  I have been able to say with our holy Father, St. John of the Cross:  “My house is entirely at peace,” and I attribute this interior peace to a victory I gained over myself.  Since that victory, the hosts of Heaven have hastened to my aid, for they will not allow me to be wounded, now that I have fought so valiantly.

A holy nun of our community annoyed me in all that she did; the devil must have had something to do with it, and he it was undoubtedly who made me see in her so many disagreeable points.  I did not want to yield to my natural antipathy, for I remembered that charity ought to betray itself in deeds, and not exist merely in the feelings, so I set myself to do for this sister all I should do for the one I loved most.  Every time I met her I prayed for her, and offered to God her virtues and merits.  I felt that this was very pleasing to Our Lord, for there is no artist who is not gratified when his works are praised, and the Divine Artist of souls is pleased when we do not stop at the exterior, but, penetrating to the inner sanctuary He has chosen, admire its beauty.