She was to go one evening with my aunt and cousins to a dance.  I know not why, but I felt more anxious than usual, and I shed many tears, imploring Our Lord to hinder her dancing.  And this was just what happened; for He did not suffer His little Spouse to dance that evening, although as a rule she did so most gracefully.  And, to the astonishment of everyone, her partner, too, found that he was only able to walk gravely up and down with Mademoiselle.  The poor young man slipped away in confusion, and did not dare appear again that evening.  This unique occurrence increased my confidence in Our Lord, and showed me clearly that He had already set His seal on my sister’s brow.

On July 29, 1894, God called my saintly and much-tried Father to Himself.  For the last two years of his life he was completely paralysed; so my uncle took him into his house and surrounded him with the tenderest care.  He became quite helpless and was only able to visit us once during the whole course of his illness.  It was a sad interview.  At the moment of parting, as we said good-bye, he raised his eyes, and pointing upwards said in a voice full of tears:  “In Heaven!”

Now that he was with God, the last ties which kept his consoling Angel in the world were broken.  Angels do not remain on this earth; when they have accomplished their mission, they return instantly to Heaven.  That is why they have wings.  Celine tried therefore to fly to the Carmel; but the obstacles seemed insurmountable.  One day, when matters were going from bad to worse, I said to Our Lord after Holy Communion:  “Thou knowest, dear Jesus, how earnestly I have desired that the trials my Father endured should serve as his purgatory.  I long to know if my wish is granted.  I do not ask Thee to speak to me, I only want a sign.  Thou knowest how much opposed is Sister N. to Celine’s entering; if she withdraw her opposition, I shall regard it as an answer from Thee, and in this way I shall know that my Father went straight to Heaven.”

God, Who holds in His Hand the hearts of His creatures, and inclines them as He will, deigned in His infinite mercy and ineffable condescension to change that Sister’s mind.  She was the first person I met after my thanksgiving, and, with tears in her eyes, she spoke of Celine’s entrance, which she now ardently desired.  Shortly afterwards the Bishop set every obstacle aside, and then you were able, dear Mother, without any hesitation, to open our doors to the poor little exile.[6]

Now I have no desire left, unless it be to love Jesus even unto folly!  It is Love alone that draws me.  I no longer wish either for suffering or death, yet both are precious to me.  Long did I call upon them as the messengers of joy.  I have suffered much, and I have thought my barque near indeed to the Everlasting Shore.  From earliest childhood I have imagined that the Little Flower would be gathered in its springtime; now, the spirit of self-abandonment alone is my guide.  I have no other compass, and know not how to ask anything with eagerness, save the perfect accomplishment of God’s designs upon my soul.  I can say these words of the Canticle of our Father, St. John of the Cross: