[10] Luke 5:32.

[11] Cf.  Wisdom 4:11.

[12] It was on May 31, 1886, that she became a Sodalist of Our Lady. [Ed.]

[13] Wisdom 5:10.

[14] Marie entered the Carmel of Lisieux on October 15, 1886, taking the name of Sister Mary of the Sacred Heart.

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CHAPTER V VOCATION OF THERESE

I was far from meriting all the graces which Our Lord showered on me.  I had a constant and ardent desire to advance in virtue, but often my actions were spoilt by imperfections.  My extreme sensitiveness made me almost unbearable.  All arguments were useless.  I simply could not correct myself of this miserable fault.  How, then, could I hope soon to be admitted to the Carmel?  A miracle on a small scale was needed to give me strength of character all at once, and God worked this long-desired miracle on Christmas Day, 1886.

On that blessed night the sweet Infant Jesus, scarce an hour old, filled the darkness of my soul with floods of light.  By becoming weak and little, for love of me, He made me strong and brave; He put His own weapons into my hands, so that I went from victory to victory, beginning, if I may say so, “to run as a giant."[1] The fountain of my tears was dried up, and from that time they flowed neither easily nor often.

Now I will tell you, dear Mother, how I received this inestimable grace of complete conversion.  I knew that when we reached home after Midnight Mass I should find my shoes in the chimney-corner, filled with presents, just as when I was a little child, which proves that my sisters still treated me as a baby.  Papa, too, liked to watch my enjoyment and hear my cries of delight at each fresh surprise that came from the magic shoes, and his pleasure added to mine.  But the time had come when Our Lord wished to free me from childhood’s failings, and even withdraw me from its innocent pleasures.  On this occasion, instead of indulging me as he generally did, Papa seemed vexed, and on my way upstairs I heard him say:  “Really all this is too babyish for a big girl like Therese, and I hope it is the last year it will happen.”  His words cut me to the quick.  Celine, knowing how sensitive I was, whispered:  “Don’t go downstairs just yet—­wait a little, you would cry too much if you looked at your presents before Papa.”  But Therese was no longer the same—­Jesus had changed her heart.

Choking back my tears, I ran down to the dining-room, and, though my heart beat fast, I picked up my shoes, and gaily pulled out all the things, looking as happy as a queen.  Papa laughed, and did not show any trace of displeasure, and Celine thought she must be dreaming.  But happily it was a reality; little Therese had regained, once for all, the strength of mind which she had lost at the age of four and a half.

On this night of grace, the third period of my life began—­the most beautiful of all, the one most filled with heavenly favours.  In an instant Our Lord, satisfied with my good will, accomplished the work I had not been able to do during all these years.  Like the Apostle I could say:  “Master, we have laboured all night, and have taken nothing."[2]