That year we spent a fortnight of our holidays at the sea-side.  My aunt, who always showed us such motherly care, treated us to all possible pleasures—­donkey rides, shrimping, and the rest.  She even spoiled us in the matter of clothes.  I remember one day she gave me some pale blue ribbon; although I was twelve and a half, I was still such a child that I quite enjoyed tying it in my hair.  But this childish pleasure seemed sinful to me, and I had so many scruples that I had to go to Confession, even at Trouville.

While I was there I had an experience which did me good.  My cousin Marie often suffered from sick headaches.  On these occasions my aunt used to fondle her and coax her with the most endearing names, but the only response was continual tears and the unceasing cry:  “My head aches!” I had a headache nearly every day, though I did not say so; but one evening I thought I would imitate Marie.  So I sat down in an armchair in a corner of the room, and set to work to cry.  My aunt, as well as my cousin Jeanne, to whom I was very devoted, hastened to me to know what was the matter.  I answered like Marie:  “My head aches.”  It would seem that complaining was not in my line; no one would believe that a headache was the reason of my tears.  Instead of petting me as usual, my aunt spoke to me seriously.  Even Jeanne reproached me, very kindly it is true, and was grieved at my want of simplicity and trust in my aunt.  She thought I had a big scruple, and was not giving the real reason of my tears.  At last, getting nothing for my pains, I made up my mind not to imitate other people any more.  I thought of the fable of the ass and the little dog; I was the ass, who, seeing that the little dog got all the petting, put his clumsy hoof on the table to try and secure his share.  If I did not have a beating like the poor beast, at any rate I got what I deserved—­a severe lesson, which cured me once for all of the desire to attract attention.

I must go back now to the subject of my scruples.  They made me so ill that I was obliged to leave school when I was thirteen.  In order to continue my education, Papa took me several times a week to a lady who was an excellent teacher.  Her lessons served the double purpose of instructing me and making me associate with other people.

Visitors were often shown into the old-fashioned room where I sat with my books and exercises.  As far as possible my teacher’s mother carried on the conversation, but still I did not learn much while it lasted.  Seemingly absorbed in my book, I could hear many things it would have been better for me not to hear.  One lady said I had beautiful hair; another asked, as she left, who was that pretty little girl.  Such remarks, the more flattering because I was not meant to hear them, gave me a feeling of pleasure which showed plainly that I was full of self-love.