During the afternoon I read the act of consecration to Our Lady, for myself and my companions.  I was chosen probably because I had been deprived of my earthly Mother while still so young.  With all my heart I consecrated myself to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and asked her to watch over me.  She seemed to look lovingly on her Little Flower and to smile at her again, and I thought of the visible smile which had once cured me, and of all I owed her.  Had she not herself, on the morning of that 8th of May, placed in the garden of my soul her Son Jesus—­“the Flower of the field and the Lily of the valleys"?[4]

On the evening of this happy day Papa and I went to the Carmel, and I saw Pauline, now become the Spouse of Christ.  She wore a white veil like mine and a crown of roses.  My joy was unclouded, for I hoped soon to join her, and at her side to wait for Heaven.

I was pleased with the feast prepared for me at home, and was delighted with the beautiful watch given to me by Papa.  My happiness was perfect, and nothing troubled the inward peace of my soul.  Night came, and so ended that beautiful day.  Even the brightest days are followed by darkness; one alone will know no setting, the day of the First and Eternal Communion in our true Home.  Somehow the next day seemed sorrowful.  The pretty clothes and the presents I had received could not satisfy me.  Henceforth Our Lord alone could fill my heart, and all I longed for was the blissful moment when I should receive Him again.

I made my second Communion on Ascension Day, and had the happiness of kneeling at the rails between Papa and Marie.  My tears flowed with inexpressible sweetness; I kept repeating those words of St. Paul:  “I live now, not I; but Christ liveth in me."[5] After this second visit of Our Lord I longed for nothing else but to receive Him.  Alas! the feasts seemed so far apart. . . .

On the eve of these happy days Marie helped me to prepare, as she had done for my First Communion.  I remember once she spoke of suffering, and said that in all probability, instead of making me walk by this road, God, in His goodness, would carry me always like a little child.  Her words came into my mind next day after my Communion; my heart became inflamed with an ardent desire for suffering, and I felt convinced that many crosses were in store for me.  Then my soul was flooded with such consolation as I have never since experienced.  Suffering became attractive, and I found in it charms which held me spellbound, though as yet I did not appreciate them to the full.

I had one other great wish; it was to love God only, and to find my joy in Him alone.  During my thanksgiving after Holy Communion I often repeated this passage from the Imitation of Christ: “O my God, who art unspeakable sweetness, turn for me into bitterness all the consolations of earth."[6] These words rose to my lips quite naturally; I said them like a child, who, without well understanding, repeats what a friend may suggest.  Later on I will tell you, dear Mother, how Our Lord has been pleased to fulfill my desire, how He, and He alone, has always been my joy; but if I were to speak of it now I should have to pass on to my girlhood, and there is still much to tell you of my early days.