1892.

Here is the dream of this “grain of sand”:  Love Jesus alone, and naught else beside!  The grain of sand is so small that if it wished to open its heart to any other but Jesus, there would no longer be room for this Beloved.

What happiness to be so entirely hidden that no one gives us a thought —­to be unknown even to those with whom we live!  My little Mother, I long to be unknown to everyone of God’s creatures!  I have never desired glory amongst men, and if their contempt used to attract my heart, I have realized that even this is too glorious for me, and I thirst to be forgotten.

The Glory of Jesus—­this is my sole ambition.  I abandon my glory to Him; and if He seem to forget me, well, He is free to do so since I am no longer my own, but His.  He will weary sooner of making me wait than I shall of waiting.

VIII

[One day when Soeur Therese was suffering acutely from feverishness, one of the Sisters urged her to help in a difficult piece of painting.  For a moment Therese’s countenance betrayed an inward struggle, which did not escape the notice of Mother Agnes of Jesus.  That same evening Therese wrote her the following letter.]

May 28, 1897.

MY DEAREST MOTHER,—­I have just been shedding sweet tears—­tears of repentance, but still more of thankfulness and love.  To-day I showed you the treasure of my patience, and how virtuous I am—­I who preach so well to others!  I am glad that you have seen my want of perfection.  You did not scold me, and yet I deserved it.  But at all times your gentleness speaks to me more forcibly than would severe words.  To me you are the image of God’s Mercy.

Sister N., on the contrary, is more often the image of God’s severity.  Well, I have just met her, and, instead of passing me coldly by, she embraced me and said:  “Poor little Sister, I am so sorry . . .  I do not want to tire you; it was wrong of me to ask your help; leave the work alone.”  In my heart I felt perfect sorrow, and I was much surprised to escape all blame.  I know she must really deem me imperfect.  She spoke in this way because she thinks I am soon to die.  However that may be, I have heard nothing but kind and tender words from her; and so I consider her most kind, and myself an unamiable creatures.

When I returned to our cell, I was wondering what Jesus thought, when all at once I remembered His words to the woman taken in adultery:  “Hath no man condemned thee?"[2] With tears in my eyes, I answered Him:  “No one, Lord, . . . neither my little Mother—­the image of Thy Mercy—­ nor Sister N., the image of Thy Justice.  I feel that I can go in peace, because neither wilt Thou condemn me.”

I confess I am much happier because of my weakness than if—­sustained by grace—­I had been a model of patience.  It does me so much good to see that Jesus is always sweet and tender towards me.  Truly it is enough to make me die of grateful love.