There is the true picture of our souls.  Often we go down in the fertile valleys where our heart loves to find its nourishment; and the vast fields of Holy Scripture, which have so often opened to yield us richest treasures, now seem but an arid and waterless waste.  We no longer even know where we stand.  In place of peace and light, all is sorrow and darkness.  But, like the Spouse in the Canticles, we know the cause of this trial:  “My soul was troubled because of the chariots of Aminadab.”  We are not as yet in our true country, and as gold is tired in the fire so must our souls be purified by temptation.  We sometimes think we are abandoned.  Alas! the chariots—­that is to say, the idle clamours which beset and disturb us—­are they within the soul or without?  We cannot tell, but Jesus knows; He sees all our grief, and in the night, on a sudden, His Voice is heard:  “Return, return, O Sulamitess:  return, return, that we may behold thee."[43]

O gracious call!  We dared no longer even look upon ourselves, the sight filled us with horror, and Jesus calls us that He may look upon us at leisure.  He wills to see us; He comes, and with Him come the other two Persons of the Adorable Trinity to take possession of our soul.

Our Lord had promised this, when, with unspeakable tenderness, He had said of old:  “If anyone love Me he will keep My word, and My Father will love him, and We will come to him, and will make Our abode with him."[44] To keep the word of Jesus, then, is one condition of our happiness, the proof of our love for Him; and this word seems to me to be His very Self, for He calls Himself the Uncreated Word of the Father.

In the same Gospel of St. John He makes the sublime prayer:  “Sanctify them by Thy word, Thy word is truth."[45] And in another passage Jesus teaches us that He is “the Way and the Truth and the Life."[46] We know, then, what is this word which must be kept; we cannot say, like Pilate:  “What is truth?"[47] We possess the Truth, for our Beloved dwells in our hearts.

Often this Beloved is to us a bundle of myrrh.[48] We share the chalice of His sufferings; but how sweet it will be to us one day to hear these gentle words:  “You are they who have continued with Me in My temptations, and I dispose to you, as My Father hath disposed to Me, a kingdom."[49]

XIX

August 19, 1894.

This is perhaps the last time that I need have recourse to writing in order to talk to you, my dear little sister.  God in His goodness has granted my dearest wish.  Come, and we will suffer together . . .  Then Jesus will take one of us, and the others will remain in exile yet a little longer.  Now, listen well to what I am going to say:  God will never, never separate us; and if I die before you, do not think that I shall be far away—­never shall we have been more closely united.  You must not be grieved at my childish prophecy.  I am not ill, I have an iron constitution; but the Lord can break iron as if it were clay.