* * * * * *

“God did not permit that our Mother should tell me to write my poems as soon as I had composed them, and, fearful of committing a sin against poverty, I would not ask leave.  I had therefore to wait for some free time, and at eight o’clock in the evening I often found it extremely difficult to remember what I had composed in the morning.

“True, these trifles are a species of martyrdom; but we must be careful not to alleviate the pain of the martyrdom by permitting ourselves, or securing permission for, a thousand and one things which would tend to make the religious life both comfortable and agreeable.”

* * * * * *

One day, as I was in tears, Soeur Therese told me to avoid the habit of allowing others to see the trifles that worried me, adding that nothing made community life more trying than unevenness of temper.

“You are indeed right, I answered, “such was my own thought.  Henceforward my tears will be for God alone.  I shall confide my worries to One Who will understand and console me.”

“Tears for God!” she promptly replied, “that must not be.  Far less to Him than to creatures ought you to show a mournful face.  Our Divine Master has only our monasteries where He may obtain some solace for His Heart.  He comes to us in search of rest—­to forget the unceasing complaints of His friends in the world, who, instead of appreciating the value of the Cross, receive it far more often with moans and tears.  Would you then be as the mediocre souls?  Frankly, this is not disinterested love. . . . It is for us to console our Lord, and not for Him to console us. His Heart is so tender that if you cry He will dry your tears; but thereafter He will go away sad, since you did not suffer Him to repose tranquilly within you.  Our Lord loves the glad of heart, the children that greet Him with a smile.  When will you learn to hide your troubles from Him, or to tell Him gaily that you are happy to suffer for Him?”

“The face is the mirror of the soul,” she said once, “and yours, like that of a contented little child, should always be calm and serene.  Even when alone, be cheerful, remembering always that you are in the sight of the Angels.”

* * * * * *

I was anxious she should congratulate me on what, in my eyes, was an heroic act of virtue; but she said to me: 

“Compare this little act of virtue with what our Lord has the right to expect of you!  Rather should you humble yourself for having lost so many opportunities of proving your love.”

Little satisfied with this answer, I awaited an opportunity of finding out how Soeur Therese herself would act under trial, and the occasion was not long in coming.  Reverend Mother asked us to do some extremely tiring work which bristled with difficulties, and, on purpose, I made it still more difficult for our Mistress.

Not for one second, however, could I detect her in fault, and, heedless of the fatigue involved, she remained gracious and amiable, eager throughout to help others at her own expense.  At last I could resist no longer, and I confessed to her what my thoughts had been.