Palace Pier and Kemp town cars every five years.”—Local Paper.
It is inferred that the Ministry of Transport has assumed control.
* * * * *
An apology to the Bench.
Humbly addressed to T.E.S.
If ever, where you hold the Seat of Doom,
I stand, my Lord, before you
at the Bar,
And my forensic fame, a virgin bloom,
Lies in your awful hands to
make or mar,
Let it not prejudice my case, I pray,
If you should call to mind
a previous meeting
When on a champion course the other day
I gave your Lordship four
strokes and a beating.
I own it savoured of contempt of court,
Hinted of disrespect toward
the Bench,
That I should chuckle when your pitch
was short
Or smile to see you in the
sanded trench;
But Golf (so I extenuate my sin)
Brings all men level, like
the greens they putt on;
One common bunker makes the whole world
kin,
And Bar may scrap with Beak,
and I with SCR-TT-N.
Nor did I give myself superior airs;
I made allowance for defective
sight;
“The bandage which impartial Justice
wears
Leaves you,” I said,
“a stranger to the light;
Habituated to the sword and scales,
If you commit some pardonable
blunder,
If” (I remarked) “your nerve
at moments fails
With grosser ironmongery,
where’s the wonder?”
So may the Law’s High Majesty o’erlook
My rash presumption; may the
memory die
Of how I won the match (and further took
The liberty of mopping up
the bye);
Remember just a happy morning’s
round,
Also the fact that this alleged
old fogey
Played at the last hole like a book and
downed
The barely human feat of Colonel
Bogey.
O.S.
* * * * *
If we all took to MARGOTRY.
[Mrs. ASQUITH’S feuilleton, which for so many people has transformed Sunday into a day of unrest, sets up a new method of autobiography, in which the protagonist is, so to speak, both Johnson and Boswell too. Successful models being always imitated we may expect to see a general use of her lively methods; and as a matter of fact I have been able already, through the use of a patent futurist reading-glass (invented by Signer Margoni), to get glimpses of two forthcoming reminiscent works of the future which, but for the chronique egoistique of the moment might never have been written, and certainly not in their present interlocutory shape.]
I.
From “First Aid to literature.”
By Edmund Gosse.