CHARIVARIA.

“What we have got to do,” says Lord Rothermere, “is to keep calm and mind our own business, instead of worrying about the affairs of every other nation.”  It seems only fair to point out that The Daily News thought of this as long ago as August, 1914.

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Gooseberries the size of bantams’ eggs, says a news item, won a prize at the Deeside Horticultural Show.  When we remember the giant gooseberries of a decade ago it rather looks as if the nation were losing its nerve.

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With reference to the messenger seen running in Whitehall the other day a satisfactory explanation has now been given.  He was doing it for the cinema.

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The average Scot, says an Anti-Prohibition writer, cannot stand many drinks.  Our experience supports this view; but he can be stood a good many.

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A picture-paper gossip states that Mr. Churchill enjoys very good health.  Just a touch of writer’s cramp now and then, of course.

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In a recent riot in Londonderry, it is stated, a number of inoffensive neutrals were set upon and beaten by rowdies of both factions.  We have constantly maintained that Irish unity can always be secured when there is something really worth uniting over.

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A lighthouse is advertised for sale in The Times.  It is said to be just the kind of residence for a tall man with sloping shoulders.

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A correspondent asks in the weekly press for a new name for charabancs.  We wish we could think there was any use in calling them names.

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Seaside bathers are advised not to enter the water after a heavy meal.  The seaside visitor who could pay for such a meal would naturally not have enough left to pay for a bathing-machine.

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A Thames bargee was knocked down by a taxi-cab at Kingston-on-Thames last week.  A well-known firm has offered to publish his remarks in fortnightly parts.

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The West Dulwich man who struck a rate-collector on the head with a telephone claims credit for finding some use for these instruments.

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Sir Eric Drummond has purchased the largest hotel in Geneva on behalf of the League of Nations.  It is said that he has been taking lessons from Sir Alfred MOND.

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Following closely upon the announcement of the noiseless gun invented in New York comes the news that they have now invented some sound-proof bacon for export to this country.

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It is stated that the man who last week said he understood the Rent Act was eventually pinned down by some friends and handed over to the care of his relatives.

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According to a morning paper another Antarctic expedition is to be organised very shortly.  We understand that only those who can stand a northern wind on all four sides need apply.