Apart from this single piece of (second-hand) instruction, what contribution does he make to the student’s knowledge of the Art of Poetry?  He makes no reference to comic poetry at all; apparently he has never heard of the Limerick, and I have the gravest doubts whether he can write one, though that, I admit, is a severe test.  I am prepared however to give him a public opportunity of establishing his fitness for his post, and with that end I propose to put to him the following problems, and if his answers are satisfactory I shall most willingly modify my criticisms; but he must write on one side of the paper only and number his pages in the top right-hand corner.

The Problems.

(1) What is the metre of:—­

  “And the other grasshopper jumped right over the other grasshopper’s
      back.”

(2) Finish the uncompleted Limerick given in my Second Lecture, beginning: 

  There was a young man who said “Hell!
  I don’t think I feel very well.”

(3) In your inaugural lecture you ask, “Is it true, or not, that the great triumphs of poetical art often come suddenly?” The answer you give is most unsatisfactory; give a better one now, illustrating the answer from your own works.

(4) Write a Ballade of which the refrain is either—­

(a) The situation is extremely grave;
or
(b) The Empire is not what it was;
or
(c) We lived to see Lord Birkenhead.

NOTE.—­Extra marks will be given for an attempt at (b) because of the shortage of rhymes to was.

(5) What would you do in the following circumstances?  In May you have sent a poem to an Editor, ending with the lines—­

The soldiers cheered and cheered again—­
It was the PRINCE OF WALES.

On July 20th the Editor writes and says that he likes the poem very much, and wishes to print it in his August number, but would be glad if you could make the poem refer to Mr. or Mrs. DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS instead of the PRINCE.  He must have the proof by the first post to-morrow as he is going to press.  Show, how you would reconstruct your last verse.

(6) Consider the following passages—­

  (i) I love little pussy,
        Her coat is so warm,
      And if I don’t hurt her
        She’ll do me no harm.

  (ii) Who put her in? 
       Little Tommy Green.

(a) Carefully amend the above so that they rhyme properly.

(b) Do you as a matter of principle approve of these kinds of rhyme?

(c) If not, do you approve of them in (i) SHAKSPEARE, (ii) WORDSWORTH, (iii) SHELLEY, (iv) Any serious classic?

A.P.H.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Customer. “AND I HAD ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ROUND BUN ARRANGEMENTS.”

Waitress. “THAT’LL BE ANOTHER TUPPENCE.”