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CHANGES IN CLUB-LAND.

(By a Student of Manners.)

The Roman satirist sang of poets reciting their verses in the month of August.  If he were alive now he would find as fruitful a subject in the renovations and decorations of Clubland.  Clubs are strange institutions; they go in for Autumn not Spring cleaning.  Happily all Clubs are not renovated at the same time, otherwise the destitution of members would be pitiful to contemplate.  Even as it is the temporary accommodation offered by their neighbours is not unattended by serious drawbacks.  The standard of efficiency in bridge and billiards is not the same; the cuisine of one Club, though admirable in itself, may not suit the digestions of members of another; the opportunities for repose vary considerably.  In short, August and September are trying months for the clubman who is obliged to remain in London.  But by October Pall Mall is itself again, and we are glad to be able to state that in certain Clubs the amenities and comforts available will be greatly enhanced.

For example the Megatherium, which is now in the hands of the decorators, is being painted a pale pink outside, a colour which recent experiments have shown to exert a peculiarly humanising and tranquillising influence on persons of an irritable disposition.  A sumptuous dormitory is being erected on the top floor, where slow music will be discoursed every afternoon, from three to seven, by a Czecho-Slovak orchestra.  A roof-garden is being laid out for the recreation of the staff, and the velocity of the numerous lifts has been keyed up to concert pitch.  Steam heat will be conveyed from the basement to radiators on every floor, and each room is being provided with a vacuum-cleaning apparatus, a wireless telephonic outfit and an American bar.  The renovation of the library is practically complete, the obsolete books which cumbered its shelves having been replaced by the works of DELL, BARCLAY, WELLS, ZANE GREY and BENNETT.  Three interesting rumours about the future of the Club may be given with due reserve—­the first, that in the near future women will be admitted to membership; the second, that Lord Ascliffe has obtained a complete control of its resources; and the third, that its name will be shortly changed to “Alfred’s,” on the analogy of “Arthur’s.”

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From Smith Minor’s French Paper: 

    “Translate ’La femme avait une chatte qui etait tres mechante.’—­’The
    farmer was having a chat with thirteen merchants.’”

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    “Archbishop Mannix ... says he can go anywhere in England except to
    Liverpool, Manchester, Glasgow and possibly Fishguard.”—­Daily
    Mirror.

Another injustice to Scotland.

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“But this Bill creates new grounds for the dissolution of the marriage bond, which are unknown to the law of Scotland.  Cruelty, incurable sanity, or habitual drunkenness are proposed as separate grounds of divorce.”—­Scotch Paper.

And so many Scotsmen are incurably sane.