in her cloak and hat, bending forward a little, the
hectic flush of strong excitement colouring her checks,
that were already branded by her malady—when
he underwent a moral revolution. He had no more
to learn. He glanced at Lightmark curiously,
almost impartially, his loathing strangely tempered
by a sort of self-contempt, that he should have been
so deluded. The clumsy lies which this man had
told him, and which he in his indolent charity had
believed! All at once, and finally, in a flash
of brutal illumination, he saw Lightmark, who had once
been his friend, as he really was, naked and unclean.
It stripped him of all his superficial qualities;
the mask of genial good-nature, the air of good-fellowship,
under which his gross egoism lay concealed that it
might be more securely mischievous when it went loose.
His amiability was an imposture, a dangerous harlequinade;
the man was bad. It was a plausible scoundrel,
a vulgar profligate with a handsome face and a few
cheap talents—had he not been reduced to
stealing the picture of his friend?—whom
these two women had loved, to whom one of them was
married. Ah, the sting of it lay there! Good
or bad, he was Eve’s husband, and she was his
wife, bound to him until the end. And then, for
the first time, seeing her there, helpless and terrified,
in her forlorn prettiness, he deceived himself no
longer, wrapped up his tenderness for the woman, his
angry pity for her misery that was coming, in no false
terms. Such self-deception, honest as it had
been, was no longer possible. He knew now that
he loved her, and all that his love had been—the
very salt and savour of life to him, the one delicious
and adorable pain relieving the gray ennui
of the rest of it, to remain with him always (even,
as it seemed now, in the very article of death) as
a reminder of the intolerable sweetness which life,
under other conditions, might have contained.
And inexplicably, in the midst of his desolation,
his heart sang a sort of fierce paean: as a woman,
delivered of a man-child, goes triumphing to meet the
sordidness of death, so was there in Rainham’s
rapid acceptance of his fruitless and ineffectual
love a distinct sense of victory, in which pain expired—victory
over the meanness and triviality of modern life, which
could never seem quite mean and trivial again, since
he had proved it to be capable of such moments; had
looked once—and could so sing his “Nunc
Dimittis”—upon the face of love.
And it all happened in a second, and in a further
second—for his thought, quickened by the
emergency, still leapt forward with incredible swiftness—a
great audacity seized Philip Rainham, to save the
beloved woman pain. The devil would be at him
later, would beset him, harass him, madden him with
hint and opportunity of profiting by Lightmark’s
forfeiture. But the devil’s turn was not
yet; he was filled only with his great and reverent
love, his sublime pity for the little tragical figure
in front of him, whose house of painted cards tumbled.
Well! he might save it for her for a little longer—at
least, there was one desperate chance which he would
try.